Happy New Year!!! 2008 comes to a close and 2009 begins by God's grace!!!

I look forward to seeing God's grace evident in the year to come. Blessings to all and Happy New Year!!! In Christ, Josh Gilbert

It's a God ordained life...Merry Christmas!!!

I just watched the movie "It's a Wonderful Life" a little bit ago and it got me thinking a lot...I've been feeling really burdened lately and really wanting to be closer to the Lord in every aspect of my life but I feel like instead I'm drifting further and further away...I don't need to wait till New Year's to know that my urgent need is to be on my knees in prayer before the Lord and to ask Him for wisdom and strength on a moment by moment basis...Wherever I'm at in life all I want is to be close to the Lord and to walk with Him in all that I do...Maybe He's letting this happen to me in order that I may see this more clearly...My heart aches when I feel distant from Him and when He is offended or taken lightly by others...I know that He alone is the Truth and I cannot find any hope or content apart from Him...Lord, I pray that no matter how long I continue to struggle with doubting, pride, uneccesary guilt, or any other sin, that would hold me close to You through the end of this year and however many years you grace me with. All I want is to be your servant Lord. Please use me in whatever way You see fit. Lord, I beg that You would help me to trust in You. My own doubt tears me apart. I love You Lord. please strike down my pride. I am nothing apart from You and anything I do apart from You is worthless. Please instill that in my mind. Please give me wisdom and direction for the days to come. I have no hope apart from You. I love You Lord and look forward to the day of Your return with a longing that I can't express. Thank you for sending Your Son to die for my own sin and the sin of every believer and for giving us Lordwilling tommorow to remember and celebrate. I love You Lord.

May You be glorified eternally, Josh

The Fall 2008 semester is over!!! Praise the Lord for His strength and provision!!!

Wow, the semester finally came to a close today, as I stepped out of the RCSM room in which my Physiology I final took place. It seems like I always get this refreshed feeling after a semester has completed. Especially this semester, I feel very grateful to be done...To say it straight up, this has been a difficult year for me and I'm sure many others. However, as I was thinking tonight, my joy is found in knowing that our Savior will take care of me and that this life is very brief. Whatever happens He is in control. I am filled with joy when I realize that no matter how hard the wicked one may plot against me, plague me with guilt and doubt, and try to cause me to stumble, our God still sits on His throne and has all power and authority over the wicked one. What a blessed thought that is! Our hope and strength in time of need is our merciful Savior who has soverignly chosen us to be His children! This hope and strength has been put on display even more this year I feel. I debated switching majors (though biology is all I'd really want to be in school for), felt crippled by physical weakness and sickness in the early part of the year, struggled viscously with Organic Chemistry I and II over the summer while working, tried to decide whether or not it was a wise idea to transfer to another college, and came back this semester to 17 units of coursework, and struggling with doubting the very God who loves me and sustains me daily! The spectacular part is that I really could and can see God's working throughout all of this. Trials are part of our lives as Christians and it is to our benefit as believers that they happen (James 1). If there was no struggle maybe I would grow apathetic and lazy in walking as a Christian. I don't have all of the answers but I know that God is good and that He provides when provision seems impossible...As Psalm 34:8 (NIV) says, "Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him." May the Lord be the refuge to every believer and help us to see that we are but pilgrims on this earth. Persevere for His purposes. I pray that I will, even as I try to rest my body over this wonderful Christmas break :). May our Lord be glorified forever!

In Christ, Josh

Trying to hang in for about 3 more days :)...

Wow, this has been an intesnse and crazy year. If I would have known that it would be so hard at the beginning of the year I may have just fainted on the spot :) But the Lord knows and He always makes a way and provides strength for His children....On the whole though, this semester has been a real blessing. It's kind of been an extension of the spring and summer which were truly difficult but blessed struggles...It's funny because I'm almost looking forward to getting home in a few days Lordwilling and being greeted by the blistery cold but the terrific warmth and encouragement of my family. Wisconsin may be pretty rural but its always a joy to be able to spend some time at home with my family...I can't really describe how I feel very well right now. It's like a mix of tired, anticipation, joy, struggle, contentment, and contemplating....I've really been trying to be prayerful about trusting in God more with things. I really would like to feel more connected spiritually but things just feel really weighty right now. I feel like I'm struggling with other aspects of life even though the academics aren't too shabby. Oh well, prayerfully I'll be able to have some downtime to just think about eveything when I get home Lordwilling...I feel like, at least a couple of times in the last couple of weeks, I've felt disoriented for some reason. One time I woke up and was kind of like, "Where am I?" I think some of this is just that I've kind of been around a lot of different areas over the past few years but some of it is probably jus that I need some time to regroup and refocus. Hopefully that can happen over Christmas break....Anyway, I better get heading to bed. Just a few more days of this left and then home free Lordwilling. Haha. In Christ, Josh

Our only strength and stability on the roller coaster of life is Him...

I'll start off by saying that I feel pretty nauseated and sick right now. I woke up this morning not feeling to well after an unsettled night of sleep last night but thankfully I had enough time to take two naps today.....Brandon, Jared, Cris, and I went to a Christmas dinner at a Mexican restaurant that was hosted by the tutoring place that I worked for last year. The food was good but I ate a little too much and I had too much soda pop so I feel pretty nauseated right now....Spiritually, I'm still struggling with things to the point of extremity. I feel like I have a lot of ups and downs throughout the course of a day, one minute I'm happy and content and at a peace with everything that the Lord is in control and the next minute I'm worried and guilty about the past and the fact that my faith in the Lord feels very weak right now. This is the worst feeling ever! I would rather have to retake Organic Chemistry for the rest of my life or even be excommunicated from the entire world than doubt the very One for whom I wish to honor with my life! As Psalm 13:1-2 (NIV) says, "How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?" I can only take solace in the verses that follow in Psalm 13:3-6 (NIV), "Look on me and answer, O LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.".....This is like exactly how I feel right now. "How long, O Lord?" Is this punishment for sin? I don't know. I've tried avoiding things that might be needless and just distrct me from Christ but the struggle is still there. My conscience has become totally inflammed now and I'm fearful to even look at past assigments or present ones as I know that a tiny missed mistake or error on my part can throw my mind into a chaotic series of fits, accusing and overwhelming me. Equally difficult to me is the fact that I lose my motivation and sense of direction when I doubt the Lord which makes disciplining myself to study quite the task....I hope that I'm not being selfish here but I have to be honest. I can't fake and say everything's great if it's really not...Life is truly a battle. I learn that more and more every day. Nothing comes easy for the Christian....Maybe just the fact that I've been under a lot of diress this entire year is catching up with me....I know that whatever is going on in me right now, the Lord knows it and He will provide because He is faithful and true and has already hidden my life with Him in heaven (Colossians 3:3). He won't let me go back to the slavery of sin and though the battle is vicious, most if not all of the time, by His grace I will stand in Him. What a blessed assurance, huh? Can't wait to be with Him when this short life comes to a close, but He has me here for now at this place and time for His purposes and I thank Him for that. The Lord always knows whats best for His children.

For His glory throughout eternity, Josh

Blessed Assurance, the Lord has delivered me...

In all my struggling and wrestling with thoughts in the last few days, I just now remembered one of the most firm defenses that not only does our Lord exist but He has saved me: He changed my life by changing my heart's desires and motives. No longer am I enslaved by sinful rebellion, deceit, and lust, but He has changed my heart and made my heart's desire to glorify Him by obeying His law. When I stumble at points, even as I struggle with doubt now, it is because, though my spirit has been eternally delivered from the wicked one, my flesh and humanity drage me down and keep me from always living in accordance with the desires of my new, changed heart. I won't be free from this struggle until the Lord takes me home. But the one thing I do know is that my salvation in Christ is secure, no matter what my foolish, wicked flesh tries to trick me into believing! He lives and therefore I live because He has delivered me. I would be dead and fallen in the darkness of my sin apart from His grace. Why would I be here on earth if not to glorify the Lord? To make a million bucks of paper money that goes to the grave as soon as I do? To bow before some ridiculous piece of plastic that I made with my own hands and that symbolizes the utter sinfulness of humanity? To live under the impression that somehow you are in control of how good you live and carry your pride, esteem, and title to the grave with you? NO!!!!! How can you open your heart and mind to nothingness in meditation and not expect to recieve sinful perceptions in a dark, sinful world? How can you say that there is no divine Creator when all things have been designed so magnificently that it overwhelms the brain just to try to understand a small portion of this design? How can you say that humans are naturally good people when murders happen everyday, disease sweeps through the world, and arrogance and pride dominate every facet of life everywhere? Where is the hope and joy in supposedly becoming nothing after death? Why would life exist now if that where it's purpose? Every human was born into sin, but in accordance with His purposes, the Lord has chosen some to glorify Him throughout all eternity....All that I can do is ask the Lord to clarify my thinking and give me wisdom, discernment, and understanding as I struggle with this. I know that one day He will bring eternal judgement on all who decieve and distract from the Truth, but all I can do until then is trust in Him and pray that He keeps me from falling. I know that He will because He has delivered me....I was wondering earlier why I had lost so much of my motivation and had grown apathetic toward, pre-med, people, sports, entertainment and just life in general. Everything seems bland when I have lost focus and become distracted from living to glorify the Lord. There is no joy, no peace, no contentment, no satisfaction apart from Him for His children. This is another reason that I know that I am one of His children....I really don't know exactly what His caused this confusion in me. I think that maybe it's just my thinking going back and forth between how to live as a Christian in a sin-filled world full of deciteful people who claim to be Christians and really aren't. My problem is that I look at other people's lives instead of Christ in order to determine this and that's when I get distracted. This is part of the difficulty of going to a Christian school. At a public school most students don't even profess to be Christians but at a Christian school the unbelievers blend in so well with the true believers that it's nearly impossible to distinguish between the two. That's why it's not my job to distinguish between the two but to realize that God will distinguish between the two and that I just need to be focused on Him and obeying His commands....I really feel like this struggle has come at a very difficult time for me as it is the end of the semester and all and it has really hindered my motivation towards anything. But I believe that my heart's condition is way more important than my academic standing. As Matthew 6: 30-34 (NASB) says,"But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! "Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?' "For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." This is not at all an excuse for laziness but just remembering that my focus should be on Christ no matter what's going on and He will provide in the way that He sees fit. Wow, as I've written this post I've gotten more encouraged. Praise our Savior! Thank you Lord!

In Him who delivers us from even the most painful of trials, Josh

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Quite an interesting Thanksgiving it has been...I was invited by a couple of people to spend Thanksgiving at their houses, but I deffered because I really just wanted a break. Just wanted to relax. So I watched football in my RD's apartment (because of his kind invitation), talked to my family at home, at a generously given Thanksgiving dinner from one of the cafeteria guys on my wing, at a box of boxed mac n' cheese with it, looked at sports and news on the internet.....Ya, definitely pretty interesting :) It was good tho. I feel like I had a really good break day, even though I miss my family at home. I actually really miss my family at home and the peace and quiet of life in the country...I know that the Lord has me here for His purposes though, so that makes everything alright. I sure would like a piece of my sister's apple pie with ice cream and a big glass of milk right now though :)...Haha. Oh, I do miss 'em. Lord knows though. He wouldn't have me here if He didn't want me here. I know that no matter how much I struggle with doubt and trusting in Him, He has already delivered me from sin's reign in my life and secured my heart with Him. Life won't last long, and I sure pray He uses mine in a mighty way for His purposes.....I feel like sometimes I forget just how much the Lord has done for me. He didn't have to save me from my rebellion and overpowering sinfulness. But He did. He did and that's the greatest blessing I can think of on this Thanksgiving. Even more than that, this is the greatest blessing for every Christian. I'll probably never understand how professing Christians can be so content with taking this lightly. Maybe they're not Christians, only God knows that though. All I can do is trust Him and keep my focus on Him, not other people, in this life. I know that if I'm truly focused on Him, He'll use my life as a ministry to others. This isn't something that I need to try and muster up myself but rather something that He will provide for. I've learned that the hard way lately but I know that the Lord will provide despite my struggles........Lord, I thank you for the salvation You've given to all believers, I thank you for the terrific parents You've given me whose hearts desire is to honor You, I thank You for my brother in TX and my sister at home and the encouragment that they've been to me and the rest of the family, I thank You for Your forgiveness, that even when I am deceived and tricked by sin, You deliver me, I thank You for using every one of the trials that I have faced and currently face for Your purposes, and take heart in knowing that one day I will spend eternity with You in heaven...Amen.

From a thankful heart to our Savior,

Josh

Lord, please save me from myself...And please help me to be thankful and joyful...

I've really been struggling lately with two seemingly seperate but somewhat coinciding aspects of my life. First, I've been struggling with doubting God and the reality of the Christian faith. I don't know exactly what has caused this but I know that one troublesome thought for me is how Christian people, including myself, can be saved by God's grace but still struggle mightily and at times give in to the wretched wickedness of sin. Then I feel down because in my World Religions class I see parallels between Christianity and other religions and it throws my mind and thinking into fits. It makes me wonder what makes Christianity different? I then read God's Word and study Physiology and see God's power and rule over everything and feel that my joy and praise is stunted by my doubt.....I fell like I don't really understand what the role of Christians on this earth are...At first, I took the view of isolating from other Christians if they didn't seem to be truly desiring God's purposes for their lives or if they seemed to take the Christian life casually.. Then I took the view that I am still accountable as a Christian to be involved in the lives of other Christians and hold them accountable to God's Word, which is a big reason that I decided to return to Master's this year. But now I feel that I am having trouble discerning what is from God's Word and what is from my own thinking. Other professing Christians seem to have little or no problem doing things that would typically bother me so I don't know whether these are standards I have made up for myself over the years or if they are truly from God's Word. I'd like to take the time to get into God's Word and discover these truths but I normally only read briefly and from different parts of the Bible, not really a directed study. So maybe I should try to make more time to do a directed study of a book of the Bible.......Second, I've been struggling with guilt in almost every aspect of my life. It's gotten so bad that I dare not look at previous tests for fear of finding a grading mistake, or papers for fear of finding a citation error and having my conscience throw all sorts of mixed signals into my head till I feel like begging for mercy. I don't know what the deal is there either. I've always struggled with having an incredibly accusing conscience and it's gotten worse since I've been in college. Maybe this guilt has caused some of my doubt and sadness. I know that we are meant to live joyfully and thankfully as Christians, but just when I'm about to relax and be thankful for a break or look back on a great blessing from the Lord in my life, guilt/my conscience hammers me for some/any ridiculous reason to keep me from enjoying life as one of God's children....I'm not in school because I like learning facts for no purpose. I want my education to make me thankful for God's creation and for His presence in my life, not something that makes me feel irrepresible guilt for no reason. I desire to be honest to please the Lord, not so that I feel satisfied and content with myself.....I know that's a lot but, if anyone reads this, I'd appreciate your prayers. I know that in the end it will all work out and the Lord will deliver me from this fleshly body into eternity with Him, but that doesn't mean that there will never be struggles in this life. Lord, please understand that I am so wicked and ignorant apart from your grace. I'm so thankful for all of your working not only in my life but for every believer. My soul knows that you are my Creator and that you have graciously chosen me as one of your children, but my flesh rips at me and tries to deny Your existence. I know that you will deliver me from this just like you've delivered me from every other obstacle in the past. May You be honored and glorified forever! Please save me from myself and may your plans and purposes be accomplished for all eternity! Help me to trust Lord, Help me trust.....

Knowing that trials are meant for God's glory and my good unto His praise and glory!, Josh

Welp, another week comes to a close......

Well, today was a busy day academically. I had a big Cultural Geography exam, a pretty big World Religions exam, and, just when I felt like I could loosen up a bit, a Physics pop quiz to close out the night :) Aaa, that's alright tho. The longer I go on in school, the more I learn that education is a continual process. It's never really "done" until the semester is over....But, no reason for complaints, I'm still very thankful to have this opportunity....I mentioned to one of my classmates during a break in Physics that I'd like to graduate a semester early. I think that some of my classmates get the impression that I'm a little genius nerd who doesn't have to work for anything and gets a 4.0. I almost chuckle to myself, when I think about the struggle and difficulty that I've faced in this major. It's never been easy. I have to struggle just to be somewhat competitive/eligible for med school. I've had to push myself to total exhaustion many a time. I feel that if this is what the Lord wants me to do He will provide the strength that I need, no matter how tough it gets....It's easy to say, "Well just sit down and study", but I think that if anyone stepped into my shoes for a little while, they'd see how hard it is to sit in a chair and study when you feel like your body is more designed for physical labor or some other sort of physical activity....The Lord has been very kind in helping me to make it this far in college and only His grace and strength will help me persevere to the end.....Well, Lordwilling tommorow I'm going on a trip with some of my best friends at school here to the beach and stuff for a couple days. At first I was only gonna go for a day or possibly not go, but since three of my best friends are going that won't be here next semester, I figured I should enjoy hanging out with them while there's still time. I'll just try to bring some homework with me :)......So ya, everything's going pretty good still. Just trying to be diligent and pull my grades up as the semester starts to close...... "In Him, you also, after listening to the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation--having also believed, you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of promise,
who is given as a pledge of our inheritance, with a view to the redemption of God's own possession, to the praise of His glory." (Ephesians 1:13-14, NASB)

In Him, Josh

Old time autumn memories...

Our dorm RD's were very kind and made homemade apple pies for the entire dorm tonight....Num-num-goo-goo (as Minnesotans say:).....Anyway their kindness and the wonderful pie made me think about what autumn was like to me in past years.....Crisp, cold air. Orange-red hued leaves gleaming in the curiously cold sunlight. Me and my brother playing football at our friend Sean's house. Watching the Michigan Wolverines dominate their opposition in the fireplace warmed house. Fall Fling (Youth group retreat). Wanting recess to come as fast as possible at school. Jumping in huge piles of leaves that were sometimes still wet. Going to boxing practice with a family filed car just as the sun was going down. Sleeping on the top level of a cozy bunk bed I shared with my brother. Celebrating as the first snow of the year softly fell from the sky......Ya, that's pretty much what life was like before I started college. However, even though I miss home and family sometimes, I'm glad to be out. Learning, manuevering, struggling, striving, pushing, exhuasting, disciplining, bumming, aching, and, though I often forget to, trusting God through all these different facets on the road of life. The best part is looking back and seeing how God has been faithful throughout the years. My life has hit some really tough points but no matter how painful circumstances have been, the Lord has provided. I thank Him for his provision and know that whatever lies on the road ahead, He has secured my soul eternally in Him. Amen and amen.

Psalm 150 (NASB):
1Praise the LORD!
Praise God in His sanctuary;
Praise Him in His mighty expanse.
2Praise Him for His mighty deeds;
Praise Him according to His excellent greatness.
3Praise Him with trumpet sound;
Praise Him with harp and lyre.
4Praise Him with timbrel and dancing;
Praise Him with stringed instruments and pipe.
5Praise Him with loud cymbals;
Praise Him with resounding cymbals.
6Let everything that has breath praise the LORD.
Praise the LORD!

To the glory of Him who has delivered myself and all believers from eternal death and has given us eternity in heaven with Him, Josh

Man, I'm really startin to get burnt out of school....

It's tough for me to say, but I really don't know what's going on. I just feel really tired of school right now and the more I try to push myself the touher it is for me to focus. I don't think that it's laziness because, by God's grace, I've been able to make it through much mor challenging circumstances than this before. Maybe some of how I was feeling last night is just from academic fatiuge or something. I feel pretty lame giving this excuse but maybe doing OChem and working over the summer followed by this fall is what's burning me out. And I'm approaching the time when I'm going to need to be most disciplined--studying for the MCAT!!! I hope that I am not receiving the consequences of trying to do too much at once again. I just feel like I need some motivation and drive or something. I'm just really having a tough time focusing on school right now. I know I was kind of down after hearing from my parents about the troubles of some of our family's old friends last night. So maybe that's it. I don't know what it is. I do know this though (James 1:12 NASB): "Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him." Just gotta trust that promise and keep plugging away. Even when the going gets tough like it is right now....

In Him, Josh

Please give me wisdom and discernment and wisdom Lord....

My heart is very heavy tonight. In fact, it's so heavy that I had to stop doing homework, looking at football stuff, listening to "exciting" Christian music, and just stop everything to pray. I realized why my heart is so broken. I think that I've been struggling with grieving the Spirit in me lately. I've really tried to be more sociable with other people so that I can get to know them better and encourage them in Christ. But I feel like I've let my own heart slip in attempting to do this. I've tried to not be in a "shell" (which I'm really not, it just takes me a while to get to know people sometimes) but I feel like I've comprised things spiritually in order to do this. No longer can I just try to figure out how to relate to people best on my own. I have to, must, cannot survive as a Christian without, daily reading God's Word and spending time in prayer. I don't care what's going on or how busy things get. Uggggghhh, I just feel so burdened right now because I haven't been spending enough time in God's Word and in prayer. How can I expect to be joyful and trusting in God as a Christian if I don't take care of myself spiritually? Could I expect to run a marathon if I was dehydrated? No wonder I'm so down. I should be! I'm nelecting the very focal point of my life and attempting to try to figure things out myself. I'm growing content with thinking that silly joking and jesting are okay because other Christians aren't bothered by them. But I can't do it anymore...If the Lord wanted to let me die in my sin, He wouldn't have saved me from my rebellion and troubles as a teenager. I cannot continue to live in a way that grieves God's spirit within me. This is how I know that I am one of God's children. As Christians, we know that God hates sin. How then can a Christian not be grieved when they allow sin to enter their life? If God's Spirit lives within us how can we not be grieved? No wonder my heart is so heavy. God has saved me from the sinful rebellion that controlled my life and would have brought me to death and eternity in hell and has made me one of His children......I just want to grow in the Lord while I'm on this Earth. I pray that He will help me to discern how to be an effective minister of Him to other people. I really need to be more prayerful about this and reading God's Word. My life means nothing apart from Christ and I care about nothing apart from Him. I pray that He helps me to live with this in mind.

For His glory alone, Josh

Just sorta thinkin....

I feel like I always get down at the end of the schoolweek. I don't know if this happens to other people or not. It's kind of weird though. Maybe it's just because the week is so intense and busy that when I get to the end of it I'm exhausted and my stamina's down. Or maybe it's just part of life that I have to deal with.......Anyway, I think that I'm gonna try to stop looking at other people's opinions and planning's for medical school. That always seems to get me down. I feel like their in a whole other league than me and get intimitated. Then I see how much money goes inti med school and how much people seem to dislike being in continous study and that only adds to the burden. Lord knows right? He's always known and He'll work it out for the best. I just have to be patient and trust Him when my emotions get even me confused....I don't think that I really anticipated having this much on my shoulders before I came to college. I was so naive and carefree. I was like, "WooHoo, I'm going to California", "I'm getting out of the house and life is going to just be a big adventure now!!!". Hahahaha. I didn't anticipate the workload that's taken quite a toll on me now. That's alright tho. Just giving it a shot right? Lord knows what He wants me to do. I should still have that same sense of adventure and excitement. I still don't know what the future or even tommorow holds. But trusting in the Lord takes all of that burden off of me.......Life is good. Just knowing that I've got nothing to lose. By God's grace my eternal standing in Christ is secure. Whatever life throws at me, I know that I have eternity in heaven with the Lord to look forward to. No worries....No worries at all.

In Christ, Josh

Just taking a night to slow down....

When I got back from Physics lab tonight at about 9:15 or so, I decided that it was time for me take a night off. I had planned on having Sunday off this weekend, but circumstances changing as they often do, that didn't happen. I feel that it's healthy for me to get a little down time to just sit and think about everything go instead of the eat-sleep-do schoolwork-physical activity-socialize cycle that makes up almost all of life. I'm thankful for all the opportunities the Lord has given me but sometimes I think I try to do too much. This leaves me exahsuated but it's almost like I don't know how else to operate. I always want to do more and when I'm not doing more for an extended period I feel like I'm just being lazy. This probably isn't the case but it's just tough for me to see the line between lazy and overload I guess....Anyway, today went pretty well. I had my first ever mach-date sort of thing today (just goin to chapel), which really wasn't a date but more of just a fun wing event deal. I sort of like the girl that I asked, but I on't really know whether she likes me or not. I figure just forming a good friendship as brother and sister in Christ should come first and foremost. Perhaps by God's grace, I'm not really at a wanting-to-get-married-before-anything-else-happens stage in my life. I kind of would just like a good friend that I can encourage and can encourage me in Christ right now. Maybe a relationship and eventually marriage will branch out of that but I don't see any rush. I got plenty to think about as it is, and even if I didn't it's in God's time......Tonight's one of those nights when I feel like I won't possibly have the strength to get up and make it throuh the day Lordwilling tommorow. I know it's only by God's grace that I do. Just keep pluggin away. I try not to be bothered by the little things in life, but just focus on Christ and keep on a pushin'. He'll give me life and breath as long as He wants me here so I have nothin to worry about......Oh goodness, so we got preparation for the MCAT, tryin to keep up and stay motivated with school, wondering what I'm gonna be doin in life once I get outta here, wonderin whether or not now is the time I should be tryin to get a future wife, wonderin whether or not my past decisions were the best ones, wanting to be an encouragement to others in Christ and not a distraction, trying to get a decent amount of sleep, wonderin if I'll get into med. school, and if I don't wonderin what I should do then, wonderin if I'm bein too boisterous or too shy.....But you know what, this list of worries should really be my prayer list. If I prayed half as much as I complained and worried about everything, I'm sure I'd be a lot more encouraged in Christ.....This isn't sayin that I have too much on my plate. It's just sayin that I need to be more prayerful and trusting of the Lord so that I stop despairing and start livin content in Christ. This world is such a mad jumbling of temporary joy and frequent sadness. I can't know what the future looks like, but I know that trusting in Christ is the only way to keep me from worrying about it. I pray that He helps me do this......Good-night.

Hopeful in Christ, Josh

Lord, please help me to trust in You......

My goodness, I have to be one of the most emotionally fickle people on the face of this earth. One moment I'm fully hopeful and excited about all the opportunities at medical school in the future, Lordwilling. Then I look at pre-meder's blogs from around the nation and there lofty GPA's and MCAT scores (about 3.5 and 30 MCAT scores) and how they are unlikely to make it into med school. How do you think that makes me feel with my 3.185 GPA and two blaring D's on my transcript!!! Combined with the fact that I have yet to take the MCAT!!! It makes me worry, feel turmoiled, and sink into despair as I look from the bottom up and what seems to be an insurmountable "hill of difficulty" (like Pilgrim's Progress) in the future. I sometimes definitely feel that the devil looks for ways to sink our hearts into despair as Christians. Always on the lookout for ways to draw us away from the Lord and our trust in Him. I cannot help but draw encouragement from Proverbs 3:5-6 (NASB) in this light. It says, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight." If He will "make your paths straight", why I am so worried. Why does stress and turmoil come? Because I am a sinful human whom, no matter how many times the Lord shows His grace and provision over all things, will continue to struggle with doubting His promises. Why am I so worried? I don't really even understand myself sometimes. One moment I feel perfeclty content and settled with life, and the next I feel like all hope is lost. It's actually kind of funny to me because I know how fickle and confused I am apart from God's grace. I'd be a total mess if I couldn't take enouragement in the fact that God's hand is over everything. God has been gracious to me in so many ways and yet I continue to shun trusting in Him, instead trying to worry my way through life like a lost dog....Lord, please have mercy on me and help me to realize that I am nothing apart from Your grace. I thank you for all the different ways that You've carried me through difficulty after difficulty, and trial after trial, all in accordance with Your purposes. I know that all that you want from me is a heart that desires to honor and glorify You. Please help me to keep this focus no matter what twists and turns life brings. All that I really want is to honor and glorify You. If it would glorify You most, you could take me this very instant. But for Your plans and purposes, You've chosen to leave here on this earth for now. Please help me not to grow discouraged or frustrated, but to trust in You and know that You are in control. Amen.

Hebrews 12:1-2 (NASB),"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

In Christ for all eternity, Josh

Top 10 Medical School prospects as of today....

I talked with Dr. Anderson the other day and, to make a long story short, realized that I need to, trusting in the Lord and depending only on His strength, work my hardest and best towards the career that I feel He is leading me to and the avenue of getting there, medical school. As tough as it may seem, by God's soverignty I'll be wherever He wants me at, but that doesn't give an excuse to slack off or not work hard. Knowing that I am working at it for His glory should encourage me to work harder not ease off. So anyway, here are my top 10 medical school options as of right now, Thursday, October 23, 2008:

1) Baylor College of Medicine
2) University of Wisconsin-Madison
3) Medical College of Wisconsin
4) University of Michigan-Ann Arbor
5) University of Texas (Houston)
6) University of Virginia
7) University of Washington
8) Wake Forest University
9) Yale University
10) Harvard University

Some of these schools may definitely seem out of reach but whatever happens, I know the Lord's in control. And that's all the security I need. It's been a long day. Good-night.

In Christ, Josh

Cris is Awesome

yay!!

Another exciting blog by a tired old man :)......

Well, just kinda sittin here on a mid-October Friday night listening to some relaxing jazz piano music. I tried to get some homework done today, but when it came down to it, I was just to plumb tired for any more academia. This was an intense week, so I instead spent my afternoon playing football and ultimate. It was really fun. I then went to dinner with friends and came back to my room, where I presently sit. The funny thing about college is that it seems like you have nothing to do, really just homework and class and stuff, but you somehow end up more exhausted or at least as exhausted as you would have been from manual labor. In my case that's how it is anyway.....Anyway, lately I've kind of been thinking, should be praying more as well, about what sort of career I should pursue. Right now I'm considering finishing college a semester early (3 1/2 years) and being and EMT for a while then trying to get into a good PA program, if medical school doesn't work out. I just don't really know, even if I got into medical school, if I could make it through another four years of even more intense academia. But, God has definitely been the only reason I've made it this far in college so if He wants another four years from me, He'll give me the strength to make it through......I've also just felt really stressed out lately to. This has been going on for a while now (it kind of started during OChem in the summer) but I just feel tense, even when I'm trying to relax. I think that I need to spend more time in God's Word too. That'd probably help me not worry about things and be so tense all the time....Honestly, I just really miss being at home around my family and the quiet, opn country at times too. This sounds silly from a kid who wanted so badly to see the big world and head out West for college. But I guess I just really need to see that this is how life is. It's about more than me and what makes me comfortable. It should be lived to God's glory not mine.....It'll be so great to be in heaven someday. I'm really looking forward to just spending eternity worshipping the Lord. No sin to wrestle with, no stress to cope with, no homesickness, just purely and genuinely worshipping our Savior and Creator around His throne. it just makes me feel so tiny to consider how powerful and loving our Lord is. I'm such a little speck of what He has made in His image, and yet He delivers me from the death that I rightfully deserved to bring glory to Himself. How much I love the Lord! Really how can there be a greater joy than this. And the fact that salvation is secure and the Lord only has me here for just a short time to use my life for His purposes. It makes me just long for heaven right now. But I know that God has me here for His purposes, so that makes me content with staying.....Even in times when I am completely physically ill and mentally and emotionally exhausted, like this past week, the Lord is faithful to bring me through that. I mean really what do I have to worry about. As Romans 8:38-39 (NASB) says, "For I am convinced that neither (A)death, nor life, nor (B)angels, nor principalities, nor (C)things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from (D)the love of God, which is (E)in Christ Jesus our Lord."..... If none of these things can seperate us from the love of God, what can? Certainly not a bad grade or being short and youthful looking. Because when it all comes down to it, the ord has me here for His purposes. I'm not in college just to have fun and goof around, I don't go to class just to learn a bunch of facts and terms, I don't study because it makes me happy, I don't want to be a doctor so I can be a prideful and wealthy affluence.....May the Lord give me and other believers a heart that desires to use all these wonderful opportunities at college to glorify Him. Because when it comes down to it, that's what life, both now and in eternity, is all about.

Weak on my own but ever so strong in Christ, Josh

An exciting blog written by a tired old man...

So, I am greatly encouraged and thankful for all the different ways the Lord is soverignly working in my life and the lives of others for his purposes. I was just looking at PA (Physician's Assistant) programs and considering that as a possible alternative if med school doesn't work out. I also added everything up and found out that I could very possibly graduate a semester early, Lordwilling. So basically just a lot of cool stuff going on right now and I'm thankful to see God's soverignty through all of it. Welp, gotta go. In Christ, Josh

To God be the glory, great things He has done....

I pray that God would use my life in a way that glorifies and honors Him and brings others to Himself if that be His will. Because, you see, there is really nothing for us to lose as Christians. Yes, we struggle mightily from the devil's attacks, and the reality of being fallen human beings on an earth that longs for Christ's return (Romans 8:22). But ultimately, as Christians, we are His! If we live or die, we are His! In turmoil and difficulty or joy and happiness, we are His! He has already mercifully delivered us from the death and eternity in hell that we otherwise faced......This is not to say that life as a Christian does not matter. It does matter greatly. As Christians, why would God wake us every morning if He did not plan to use our lives for His plans and purposes? He could just as easily take us now if He wanted to. But He has called us to peresevere that we may spend eternity in heaven with Him (James 1:12)....Does that excite you as much as me? Yes, we will continue to face difficulty, troubles and trials will come, our faith will be tested, we will daily battle against "the sin which so easily entangles us" (Hebrews 12:1), and physical health may even begin to fail. But, as Christians, we know that "He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus" (Phillipians 1:6). On that day we "will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we shall always be with the Lord." (1 Thessalonians 4:17)......That just puts a whole different perspective on things to me. What a great encouragment. Stay faithful to Him and don't lose hope. Remember Phillipians 1:6....So another day ends, and we are another day closer to being with our Savior in heaven for all eternity. Praise the Lord! Psalm 150 comes to mind. What a blessing! What a blessing. Forever in Him, Josh Gilbert

School's back in swing again....

I haven't written on this thing for quite a while and I sort of feel like I should write tonight. Just for update sake, by God's grace I was able to pass OChem II as well. Now I'm beginning to look at med schools and stuff....after playing ultimate frisbee that's what I've done for a little while tonight. I was sort of bummin about things tonight and providentially I came across this very encouraging song by Sara Groves called "What I thought I wanted". It just speaks of God's soverignty and plan in everything. Such a great encouragement...may God bless her and her family for her music that has been such a great encouragement to me, especially in hard times....The Lord always makes provision. I just miss it sometimes when I'm blinded and confused in the foolishness and traffic of life...I also feel like I've had a sort of emotional void lately. Looking for affection and love from the female gender. I'm sure that this is a healthy and normal desire but I don't want it to lead me into sin.....I just feel so weak and strengthless at times. Like It'd be best for me to just lay down and die sometimes....But, I must remember that His grace is sufficient....I remember, especially towards the end of OChem II how zapped of strength I felt. But God provided me with enough mental stamina and energy to get through the course....I am completely serious when I say my strength comes from Christ...There's no way in this world I could've mustered up the strength to make it on my own in college or life in general apart from His grace......I'm sure some of it has to do with past stuff, but God has been so very very good to me in working through those things and using me for His glory.....I think that the devil's ploy at times is to make me feel undeserving of God's grace and condemned for this reason. However, the opposite is true. Yes, I am undeserving but again God's grace is sufficient. Why He chose me I'll never know (maybe when I get to heaven), but as a Christian my desire should constantly be to praise the Lord in thanks and honor Him for this!!!......I guess I'll wind down for writing tonight, I'll try to keep this updated periodically though.

In Him, Josh Gilbert

The year that was......

Well, guess what.....this is the last full day that I will be 18 years old. No need for sorrow though. I have seen so much of the Lord's working in my life throughout this year, a birthday just gives me opportunity to thank Him, and I joyfully thank Him, for the year that was. Some of my favorite times in the year, when I could see God's working most clearly are as follows. 1) The grace He granted me in allowing me to work at and live at a non-Christian camp in rural northern Michigan. It was really a blessing that my mom and sis were there as well but it was tough for all of us. I pray that the Lord will use the time I spent there for His honor and glory, whether one of the campers or camp leaders becomes a Christian or whatever else happens. 2) the grace He granted me in pushing through one of the most difficult periods in my life and finishing the Fall semester and the schoolyear altogether. In the Fall semester, I was pretty much burnt out by late October but the Lord granted me the sustaining grace to persever to the end. Granted, it wasn't the prettiest gradewise, but with the frustration, difficulty and weariness that I felt, I know that it was only by His grace that I survived the Fall semester. Another blessing is that He gave me the strength to yank my GPA up a little bit in the Spring semester. 3) Specifically the grace that He granted me in allowing me to pass Organic Chemistry I with a B+ after getting a D in the course in the Fall. I can't put into words how thankful and relieved I was to make it through that class. I know that all things are in the Lord's hands, but the fact that the Lord allowed me to pass that class gives me an even greater trust that He is in control of all things and if He wants me to be a doctor, I will be a doctor. And prayerfully He can use me in this occupation for His purposes, that I may be a testimony to unbelievers and encouragement to believers that I work with. 4) Getting a job for this summer. This was a true blessing also. 5) Improved dental hygiene. I was thankful to hear that my dental health is better than it was last fall, when their was a strong urgency for me to take better care of my teeth. 5) The family is still together. Through ups and downs, thick and thins, the Lord has been providential in keeping us together as a family. 6) Thank you Lord and may my life as a 19 year old be a better reflection of your working in my life than every year past! I can't wait for eternity with Christ in heaven, but for now He wants me on this earth. And that's why I'm thankful for another year....... In Christ, Josh

Ups and downs, twists and turns, but God's grace through it all..

Well this summer has been quite busy so far. I've been working around 35 hours or so average per week at Culver's and taking OChem M-TH 8-10:15 a.m. A real great blessing is that I was able to pass Organic Chemistry I this time with a B+! I am very grateful for this and know that it was only by the Lord's grace that I was able to put in the time and effort to achieve this grade. What a relief to be done with that course. Whew :) I'm now taking Organic Chemistry II which I just started this week. It seems like it will be a challenge also, but I will be prayerful and know that the Lord will work everything together for good. I didn't study at all today, mainly because my family celebrated my birthday, which is Sunday, because my mom and sis will be heading off to New York for my sister's music camp Saturday morning. I watched Kung Fu Panda, which was quite a hilarious movie, with my bro and sis. Then we came home and had my favorite dinner: homeade orange chicken with homeade fried rice and egg rolls. Then we had my favorite cake--pineapple upside down cake for dessert. Num-num goo-goo. Definitely a summer treat......But ya, I'd like to start taking out more time to read God's Word on a daily basis. I feel like I've been out of touch somewhat. I need to remember that He is the only source of true joy and success in my life and stop looking for these things in people and circumstances. I need to remember that He controls all things and that I need to stay in commune with Him to keep from getting distracted. Welp, this tired old man has had about all the excitement he can take for a day. Time for bed. Oh, one last goal for the summer after OChem Lordwilling I'd like to learn the basics of French and develop my Spanish knowledge more. Good night. In Christ, Josh

Just sort of thinkin'....

You know I've just kind of been thinking about some stuff over the last hour or so. I'm kind of wondering why it seems like I get more respect and sincerity from the unbelieving crowd than I do within so-called Christian circles. Around groups of professing Chrisians who are so involved in their church ministries and the like, and have therefore been raised around others like themselves and relate best (perhaps only) to these people, I feel like the blight in the midst of the cornifeld. Maybe I can't help it that our family has had a difficult time finding a church for most of my and my siblings existence. Maybe I can't use the big words or pun the corny religous jokes because I haven't been raised in this sort of environment and don't want to grieve God's Spirit within me. Maybe I don't "fit" socially into the religous cliche that Christianity in America seems to have become. But I do know one thing, I am a Christian saved only by God's grace. That sentence doesn't flow from a programmed mind. It flows from my heart since I know all that the Lord has brought me through but how He's used these things to strengthen my faith in Him. So, when it all comes down to it, I know that wherever I am in life and circumstance, faithfulness and obedience to the Lord precedes everything. In my weak and sinful humanity, I have no way of doing this apart from His grace. So, though I may lack the social fluff, I want to keep my focus on Christ and on living in a way that honors and glorifies Him. Master's or UW-RF, Public college or Private college, faithfulness to Christ should come front and center before anything else in my life. Lord, please help me to be content with wherever you place me, not being discontent, but realizing that you will guide and direct me and use whatever happens in accordance with you plans and purposes for me and every believer. Amen. -Josh

Lord, please grant me wisdom and understanding.

Wow. I feel really confused sometimes. I want to honor and glorify the Lord with the life that He has given me. However, I'm still frustrated by wicked temptations that constantly rage against my conscience and who I am in Christ. I try to constantly repent of these temptational thoughts and that makes me feel more and more sorrowful over my wicked flesh. I guess that I should really take joy in knowing that the Lord has already brought me to Himself and that the sin that still bothers me will only last temporarily. And I sure can't wait to spend eternity in heaven with the Savior who knows and loves me for who I am in Him and has forgiven me for the sinful humanity that still disturbs. Lord, please help me to honor and glorify You in my life throughout this summer. Help my life to be a genuine reflection, not of Josh Gilbert, but rather of the Father who's Spirit dwells within me. Please use me in whatever way you see as best. Amen. -Josh

It's been a while....

Well, I'm bummed that this is only the first time I've gotten around to writing on this thing since I've been home for summer break. Saturday, my family and I went to some old friends' of ours' grad parties-Sean Williams and Troy Lang. I liked Sean's a little better of the two, maybe since we've known Sean since Aaron and I were younguns. Haha. But ya, other than that I've just been workin hard at Culver's. I just put in a bunch of applications and Culver's was the only place that hired me so I feel like that was really providential. It's been pretty good so far, but I hope, and should be praying, to be a better testimony in the week's to come. I just feel like I don't know what I should say in some situations. I guess that I just have to trust that God's grace is suffficient and if I am truly being faithful to Him, He will take care of the rest.....And, dum,dum,dum, OChem starts Lordwilling tommorow, bright and early at 8:00 A.M. I think that anybody would be a little bit nervous preparing to take a class that they weren't able to succed in the first time, but I know that the Lord is gracious and that He works all things together for nthe good of those who please Him, so I really have nothing to worry about no matter how things apppear. I pray that the Lord will help me to be an obedient and respectful son, and encouraging and trustworthy sibling, a genuine example to my co-workers, and a light to dark world around me of His grace and mercy in bringing me and all believers to Himself when were trodding the same empty road as the rest of the world. This summer is more than a break....It's an opportunity!!!! An opportunity to show the world that only by God's grace, mercy, and love is my life any different from the rest. May He be glorified in my life. As I've said before, this is all I want. Just gotta stay focused and I pray that He will help me do so. Good-night. -Josh

Getting ready to go to church....

So, as I get ready to go to church on this beautiful Sunday morning, I figured I'd write a quick post. I'm getting ready to get ready to pack everything up and head home for the summer, Lordwilling.......Looking back over the year, I am very thankful for everything that the Lord has allowed to happen. Though it's been painful and difficult to understand what's going on sometimes, the Lord has continually provide enough to allow me to stand. I think that my realization of my complete physical weakness at points, and His grace in allowing me to continue despite this, has brough me even closer to Christ since before this year began....I've also had the opportunity of working at a job where I can have an impact, and prayerfully a witness, to some of the jr. high/highschoolers in the community.....I'm sure that as long as I live I won't forget this schoolyear. With all the frustration, trial, and almost unbearable overload, God has given me the strength and mental capacities to continue, and continue in my major, when I felt at the end of the fall semester that it was time to change career plans......I'm really looking forward to the summer, Lordwilling, but not to just to get sleep. While a day or so of snooze shoulf feel great, I'm looking forward to using what I've learned this year in the "real world". Prayerfully, I'll be a good example of Christ at whichever job I work as well as at UW-RF when I take O-Chem Lordwilling......Yes, I'm really looking forward to hanging around the Wester Wisconsin area this summer. I haven't really been at home for more than a month or so at one time since I left in August 2006.....What a difference two years have made. I really do feel like a totally different person now. I almost forget what life was like before college. It really has been good tho. I think that it's healthy for every young man to eventually get out of the house and experience life on his own before he is a grown adult with a wife and children. See ya. -Josh

A serious and direct proclamation from God's Word!!!

As Phillipians 2:10-11 says (NASB), "so that at the name of Jesus EVERY KNEE WILL BOW, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." This is serious!!! What are you doing!! What have you been doing with your life? Have you just been floating on the Hypocrital boat down the easy river of pomp and circumstance in your little "religous" society. Wake up before it is too late!! Because one day it will be too late!! All of the things that you find your security in now, if they are not intact with the things of Christ, will leave you in utter dismay, emptiness, and the deepest of all disparagement when your life comes to an end. As Christians, where do we hold our esteem? Who do we love and trust in? Shouldn't the source of this love, trust, and esteem be our Savior who in His mercy has delivered us from eternal death and torture? If our Savior is truly the product of these thing in our lives then why don't we take Him seriously!! I am so tired of all the "Biblical" puns, jokes, and supposed humors with the "religous" circles. Why? That's my question. Why? Is it funny to dishonor our Savior by taking key biblical principles and values out of context and making them a topic of humor. What is going on? Are you so blind that you can't see that this is a form both of blasphemy and using God's name in vain? Disagree with me if you like, but I have come to the point in my life where I have no desire to grieve the Spirit in me. Consider me less in your pathetic "religous" circle if you wish, but remember this: "EVERY KNEE WILL BOW"!!!! It's not a game people!! It's time to wake up and I pray that the Lord will use this letter to those who read it to bring severe conviction and remorse to the hearts of His chosen. I cannot know the condition of your heart, but God does. And it is serious my friends, indeed it is gravely serious, and further, your eternal standing depends on it. Pray that God will remove the suffocating cloth the adversary has so craftily and deceptively placed over your eyes. Because when you stand before the Judgment seat of Christ, it won't be funny anymore. In Him, Josh

Just over 2 1/2 weeks to go!!!!!

You know, with all the difficulty and struggle this year has brought, the Lord has always been faithful to me. He's always brough that encouraging word from another person when I really needed it. He's even given me the strength to push through the strange fatigue that has been somewhat crippling to me since last semester. He's given me the knowledge base to help out the students that I've tutored and stuff even when I feared that I would not be mathematically and sometimes scientifically equipped to help them. As 2 Corinthians 12:10 (NASB) so truely says, "Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong." Even when the glimpse of light and hope seems to fade or your hold onto the edge of life's cliff dwindles to just a one-finger grip, He is there "......to keep you from stumbling, and to make you stand in the presence of His glory blameless with great joy," Jude 1:24 (NASB). And with all the joys, difficulties, stresses, sorrows, encouragement passes another segment of life. Lordwilling, in just over two and a half weeks, I will have completed half of my undergraduate education. God has provided the financial, physical, and mental capabilites for me to recieve an education in accordance with His plans and purposes and for this I am most thankful. May the Lord grant me the grace and strength to say, as Paul did, when I come to the end of life's brief and often difficult road, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith;" 2 Timothy 4:7 (NASB). For the Christian there is really no greater testimony than that. Being faithful to Christ, realizing that He works all things for His plans and purposes, and walking boldly against the traffic and muddling confusion that the rest of this world is in. So, as the semester comes to close and the last few words are written on this chapter in my life, thank you Lord and please grant me the grace to stand firm in you which is entirely impossible for me to do apart from You grace in my life. I love you Lord and look forward to the day when your working through me on this earth is complete and I can spend eternity worshipping You, my Creator, Savior, and eternal Father. Amen. In Him, Josh

Wow.

You know what? The coolest thing just happened to me. As I went to lay on my bed at about 2:57 p.m., I figured I'd spend about 10 minutes resting and thinking about all the stuff that I need to get done this weekend. But as I thought my mind started drifting and reflecting. Somehow I though back to my first day of kindergarten when my teacher asked me if I wanted to be called Josh or Joshua. After some delay I chose the cooler sounding of the two, Josh. Soon my mind started reflecting on my entire life, starting with this first day of kindergarten. I found myself remembering, albeit somewhat cloudily, the schoolyears and summers which followed this trend. I eventually made it to the summer following 9th grade, the point at which I feel that God turned my hearts motives and desires to Him. I was on a slippery slope to destruction, my blatant rebellion and wickedness seeping into every aspect of my life. But then there was a change. Of course, I cannot comprehend what caused it for it was only the working of God. It didn't happen in a moment, week, or even month. Rather, life since this point has been a continual growing process. There have definitely been hurdles, obstacles, and even the severest points of despair, but God has always brought me through them. This I cannot explain either. All that I can do is thank the Lord with all of my being for His transforming work in my life. I guess the "wow" title of this post should really be "thank you Lord". He knows that "I am but dust and ashes" (Gen 18:27, NASB) but makes available to me, and every believer, all the "armor" (Eph 6:10-20) that we need to stand strong in Him. Even when we fail to fully equip ourselves and are wounded by the enemy, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9, NASB) What an encouragment to know that if we are in Him, nothing in this life can even touch our eternal standing in Him. We are forever His:) Joyfully in Christ, Josh Gilbert

A Word of Encouragement from God's Word.....

"For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." Phillipians 1:6 (NASB)

Keep trusting in the Lord.

Wow. Sometimes I feel like a worthless Biology/Pre-Medicine student. From the world's perspective I probably am. Had a solid GPA following my freshman year but totally "blew it" Fall term 2007. Not able to pass my two hardest classes. Faced with the reality that, from a worldy perspective, my chances of getting into medical school are pretty slim......But you know what, this isn't how things really are. You see, God doesn't "grade" my standing spiritually based on my standing academically. He looks at my heart. Therefore only when I fail to be faithful to Him do I fail. If I comprimise being who Christ has called me to be for what this wicked world has to offer, then and only then have I truly failed. This isn't to say that good grades and strong standing and Christ can't go hand in hand. However, it is to say that our standing in Christ should take strong precedence over where one stands academically. Academics are just a tool. Personally, I feel that the Lord is leading me to be a missionary doctor. This is what my heart longs to do. I want to bring glory and honor to our Savior by being used as an effective witness tool for Him. This is all that I want. People can go on and rush and push and try to get their "prominent" standing in medicine if they want to. My focus is in a different direction. When I approach death, if the Lord tarries, I only want to be able to take complete joy in the fact that the Lord delivered me from the death and eternal punishment that was due me and used my life in a way that brings glory and honor to Him. I love the Lord. There is nothing I want more than to honor and glorify Him through my life. Everything else is just a means to this end. If med school works out, fabulous. If it doesn't, fabulous just the same. I must remember my foremost calling on this earth, to honor and glorify the Lord through a heart that loves Him more deeply than anything else. Because the fact of the matter is, if I forget this truth it truly is a worthless life that I or any other Pre-Med major, no matter what the level of academic standing, lives. May God be glorified through my life! In Christ, Josh

When life gets tough, trust in the Lord and stay faithful to Him...

Trials can throw the toughest blows at a Christian sometimes. But the comfort is, every true Christian must and will go through these times. One should really be down if he finds life easy and life in this world to be ultimately satisfying. This is a sign that something is very wrong. As James 1:2-3 (NASB) says, "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance."Therefore, we see that these trials are actually meant to test our faith. If we are not tested in this way we lose our endurance. So the very things that seem to hurt us the most as Christians actually draw us closer to Christ and strengthen our faith and trust in Him. What a tremendous blessing this is! In Christ, Josh

Only by His grace...

If I take a moment to reflect on what the Lord has done in my life over the years, I should be, and definitely strive to be, very thankful to Him. The Lord has changed the desires of my heart to be focused on Him, though I definitely struggle with this at times. I think where my biggest struggle is is trying to find a balance of being who the Lord calls me to be without having legalistic tendencies or lean to far the other way and fall into sin. What I'm beggining to realize is that, for me anyway, I would much rather be on the side of being "conservative". I've tried the last couple of weeks to be more open and talkative and stuff with people in general, but more specefically at the college here. What I'm realizing though is that temptations and sin and sin struggles seem to be more of a problem for me if I try to do this. I would much rather not express my "Christian liberty" than to lean to heavily on this statement and not be as effective of a messenger for my Savior. This is where it really becomes a challenge though. I don't want to seclude myself or not be very talkative. But I feel like the more that I talk, about blah-blah stuff, the more chance there is that I could ruin my testimony in Christ. I came across a verse in Proverbs that reads as follows," In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, But he who restrains his lips is wise." (Proverbs 10:19, NKJV). To me, this seems to imply that the more that I talk about things that don't seem to serve any spiritual encouragement or pertain to the tings of Christ, the greater the chance is that that conversation can turn into sin. Now I definitely believe that there is room to talk about other stuff (I like to talk about football:), but I don't think that it should dominate our conversations (my Dad told me this and I agree with him). So I guess that this is where I stand on the matter. All I know is that when this short life comes to an end, I want to have served the Lord in the best way that he sees fit. Now this cannot come at all from my own merit (I sometimes realize this, but too soon forget), but all I can do is pray that He will keep me focused on what really matters in this life and stay in His Word for guidance on how to do this. And that's all that He expects from me :) With every morsel of energy that the Lord gives me, I want to serve Him. And my heart longs with such heavy anticipation being in heaven with the Lord. But, for now anyways, he wants me here. May he grant me the grace to stand strong in Him and never back down from that which He has called me to. Forever in Him, Josh Gilbert

He will preserve me and allow me to persevere...

Sometimes I have a tough time understanding how exactly my life should be conducted as a Christian. I know that I need to be in prayer and in His Word more. I need to be asking for wisdom that only comes from our Savior. My biggest fear ever and the worst thing that I could possibly imagine happening is for me to lose focus on Christ and fall into sin and away from Him. This life is without purpose apart from living for Him. It seems that I am often percieved to just be conservative with my standing as a Christian, but in reality that conservativity sems from a fear of losing focus spiritually. God has given me the only source of true happines in both this life and the next--salvation in Him and eternity in heaven to glorify Him. This is what makes my heart glad. And I guess that maybe I'm not confused as to how I should live, but I'm confused as to the standard that others hold to. I have difficulty confronting issue in others for fear of just being condemned of being a legalist. This is not my desire at all, rather, I just want to live for Christ and I want to see his standards upheld on this earth!!! When He is taken lightly or mocked or handled in a joking matter it is like a punch to my ribs. I feel pain when He is not treated with sincerity because He is my Savior and the Savior of every believer! I want to keep my heart stayed on Him to keep from stumbling. Of course I still struggle spiritually and with sin issues as every believer does, but I don't feel that this is an excuse to say "no one is perfect". Rather, where is one's heart aimed? That is the bigger question. Are you wanting to be who Christ calls you to be seriously? Or is it just some sort of game? For me, and only by His grace, my heart wants to be like Him. Maybe this is why I get confused. It's hard for me to tell if others around me are really serious about being Christians or if it is just a game to them. Now there is no way for me to be assured completely of who is a true Christian or not, but know this, the day will come where every man will have to give an account of his life before God. This is when the truth will come out and the games are all over. And eternity in hell is the punishment for those who were just playing the game, never truly seeking Christ but always just floating around and being the "spiritual people" in the Christian realms. This really should invoke fear in us. Are you serious about Christ and, thankful all that He has done for you, seeking to be like Him? Or are you just floating? If you are just floating, you are in a frightful position and I pray that the Lord will awake you from your "fakeness" before it is too late......In summary, I know that I shouldn't worry about losing salvation in Christ. Phillipians 1:6 says,"For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus." Therefore, I know that my salvation is secure in Christ. However, this does not mean that, since my salvation in Christ is assured, I can't lose focus on Him. This is why I must be in prayer, in God's Word, and following my convictions. It is far to easy to lose sight on the goal, I am well aware of that and maybe that is why I would rather be on His side of the fence than to test the border of righteous vs. sinful conduct. I would rather be conservative than to lost sight of the goal, becoming distracted, and failing to accomplish all that He desires of me in this life. This is why it is imperative to stay in commune with Him. Otherwise we can and will forget His presence in our lives. We are sinful, depraved humans and our lives cannot meet a Christ-like standard apart from His grace. I pray that He keeps my heart stayed on Him throughout this life. This is why I live. This is why I live. This the only reason that I live. "Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 3:13-14

Stop complaining! and remember that He is in control

You know, I've really been struggling with wanting to be diligent in school. I love activity and my favorite hobbies often consist of outdoor events, like sports and any other adventurous adrenaline stirring event. I've had thoughts like," Man I should just quit school and go dirtbiking." Or feeling like I just want to take a long road trip away from all existence into a nice, peaceful, clean-aired open valley where I can enjoy the Lord's creation and the solitude and quietness of the country life that I've grown up in. But you know what, when I really think about it, this is a spirit of complaining and complaining is a sin before God. Who am I to complain when He has brought me through so much, saved my life, delivered me from the hand of the evil one, and used my life for His purposes. So if he wants me to sit in this encapsulating dorm room and study so that I can be used by Him by using this knowledge that I obtain, that's what I want to do. If he wants me to sweat it out and learn diligence, patience, perseverance, and ultimately trusting in Him for my every need, than that's what I want to do. That's the road that I want to walk. Whatever it takes, I pray that the Lord will give me a heart that is set on accomplishing His purposes for me. That's all that this earthly life is about. What a selfish thought for me to want to isolate myself for the world so that I can enjoy the life that, in the flesh, I would want. As a verse in Proverbs says,"A man who isolates himself seeks His own desire." I am here to be a testimony of Him!! Why do I have so much trouble understanding this? Because I am a wicked sinner apart from His grace, a foolish man in need of wisdom and direction. Only wisdom and direction that His hand can provide. I pray that He gives me a heart that is commitited to His purposes no matter what tries to distract me in this life. Why worry? Dou know what the solution is to worry? Phillipians 4:6-7 tells us,"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." All that we are commanded to do is pray. He will take care of us. He is in total control. And what a tremendous blessing that is!!!! I am weak, but He is in control and He is strong. Therefore, I am strong by His grace but I am absolutely nothing but depraved dust apart from Him. I pray that He helps me to be constantly trusting in Him and realize that He is in control. This life is not my own. It is His and I pray that He will use in whatever way He sees best. And the blessed part is I know that He will :) Good night. In Christ, Josh

I'm feeling really encouraged! And it's a great blessing!

I absolutely love these three verses from Colossians 3:2-4 (NKJV): "Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is our life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory." I guess that the "For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God." is the part that is especially encouraging to me....I went to Skid Row for the first time last night. What had prevented me from going in the past was fear. But thinking about that portion of the verse really encouraged me as I went/prepared to go yesterday night. As believers, like the verse says, we have died and our lives are "hidden with Christ in God." We are here for His purposes. We aren't alive to entertain ourselves with worthless things or to preoccuppy ourselves with ourselves. We are here for His purposes. We are here to be a witness of Him to the unbelieving world and to worship Him. That means that as believers we should place our trust in Him and stand boldly for Him. We shouldn't be scared or intimidated by this fallen world. We should realize that only by God's grace are we His children. That should spur us to spread our testimony of Christ to the world which is so desperately in need of Him. When I was walking on the sidewalk at Skid Row on Friday night I was thinking about how all sin will come to look like Skid Row one day. Those who are wealthy, smart, popular--all of that stuff will come to an end and without Christ their lives will end in ruin. The same type of ruin and dismay that the setting of Skid Row offers. It's really sad if you think about it. Only the Lord can bring salvation but he will most definitely use us as instruments to accomplish this purpose if we truly desire to honor Him. Let's remember that we'll only be on this earth for a short time. Let's use that short time to accomplish His purposes for our life by His leading. That's all that matters. That's all that will last. Persevere and stand strong for the cause of Christ. Be faithful to Him and He will use you in whatever way He sees fit. What a trmendous blessing to know that our life is ''hidden" with Him. With that we can rest assured :) Have a good night. In Christ, Josh Gilbert

An enouragment from His Word....

"My flesh and my heart may fail, But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." -Psalm 73:26 (NASB)

Hanging on for dear life...

"Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is our life appears, then you also will appear with Him in glory." -Colossians 3:2-4 (NKJV)

These trying times.....

As I sort of let my mind wander yesterday while I was stretching, I started reviewing my life in blur-like fashion. Since I had seen a gymnatics related article online, I remembered some of my three year career as a gymnast. I zipped through school, thinking about primarily my education from 6th grade and on. I remember how I went from homeschool with my mom, brother, and sister, to distance learning with a satellite, which I continued with until heading off to college after 11th grade. The Lord has been o providential through all of this, so why should I be afraid now. Even if I didn't look at the past, I hould be able to rest-assured, knowing that God will work every thing out for the best if I genuienly follow Him and desire to be like Him. It's just funny to think that I've been through so many different avenues in my short life. I wouldn't have wanted things to happen differently, barring my period of rebellion as an early teenager, but even thi the Lord has used to strengthen my faith and trust in Him. I'ts funny to think that I started college with so much excitement and invigaration. I was so excited to be in California and I felt ready to get started on the long, sometimes difficult journey called college. I know feel like a tired, old man sometimes, far older than my 18 years would suggest. Looking at the pat, It's really encouraging for me to think that, by God's grace, I've made it this far. With my past as the encoraging background, who's to say that the future look grim. God has brought me this far and He will continue to carry me whichever way seems fit to Him. It ettles my heart to remember this because I am here for His purposes. As Paul says," for to me to live is Christ and to die is gain". That's the ame way that I feel. However the Lord wants to use my life is completely up to him. I shouldn't have any quams or frustrations in present circumstances. The Lord will work it out for the best. Why should I worry? None of us will be on thi earth for more than a short time anyway. All that matter is where our hearts are at when we do get to the end. May the Lord keep my heart focused on Him. That's all that I want for my life. I want it to honor Christ. -Josh

Testing, testing.....

My first blog post. With me sister Rachel present. Bye-bye.