Learning to praise the Lord in the midst of the good and the bad...

Well, I wanted to go to bed but I have to wait another 45 minutes or so for my clothes to dry. Thought that I'd write another blog during the down time. This has been a very difficult but blessed week so far. As mentioned in my last blog, I did poorly on my Genetics test. After verifying with the professor this morning, I left his office with the same grade and nothing I could do to change it. I really feel that I tried my best to study my hardest but for some reason couldn't seem to put it together well enough to perform strongly on the test. I don't want to blame so I take full responsibility but it doesn't make it any less disappointing. Anyway, so the week was going really smooth before I hit that bump in the road. Two very good things have also happened this week though. I was hired by the camp that I discussed in my last blog so I'm really thankful for the Lord's provision in opening up that opportunity. It should be very fun and rewarding and I'm really excited! Also, my sister got accepted into Westminster college that she's been working very hard towards with a half-ride scholarship. My parents consented today I guess and I was really happy for her. My biggest prayers for her are that the Lord would allow her to draw close to Him in the days to come. It's tough for all of us to remember the true source of our skills and talents and to stand firm in Him. I struggle much with this, I'm sure my brother does, and I'm sure my sister will too. The important thing is that we desire to please Him and enjoy the day He's given us for His purposes. Anyway, my body is starting to get sleepy. Gotta wait about a half-hour still though. Oh well. Good night.

In Christ, Josh

Musings from a frustrated but trusting heart...

Something happened today. Well, first a lot of good things happened today. I've been praying about finding a summer job still and a few camps replied to my applications. One had a very unique and cool opportunity where I may get to work as both a gymnastics assistant coach and fencing coach. I was so encouraged and excited during the early afternoon that I could hardly contain myself. When I returned to my room after Genetics lab and getting dinner, however, I was informed of something really bad. I did very poorly on a Genetics test that I studied very hard for and treated as if it were a final. I've been fuming about the result all evening but it's also got me thinking. Do I really trust God or do I only trust Him when He works things out the way I want Him to? I feel like I do the latter more often than not. It's not the bad test grades that gets me mad but the ramifications of them. Will I get into medical school or PA school? Will I get to keep my scholarship at Baylor? Will my parents be mad at me? Will others look down on me? Will I end up jobless because of my poor performance? All of these things ruminate in my thinking when something bad happens academically. But something I was thinking about earlier really helped me put things into perspective. Consider the chain of events before taking a test. First, you have to study of course. To study you have to be able to see and comprehend. Who gave me vision and a brain to comprehend course material with? The Lord. Next, you have to wake up in time for the exam. Who kept me from sleeping through the exam and woke me up on time to shower, eat breakfast and prepare for the day? The Lord. Finally, you have to actually take the test. Who gave me the ability to choose the right answer with my pencil or process the intricacies of a complex formula? The Lord. Why then do I worry about the grade I recieved? If I prepared and worked my hardest for God's glory I have nothing to worry about. Sure, people might be unkind but I can't change that and my goal shouldn't be to make them happy anyway. I should be doing what I do to glorify the Lord. Not to say that I'll never be disappointed but the extent of that disappointment can't really go that far. The Lord: brought me to Baylor in time to register for Genetics, provided me with a good friend to help me study Genetics, and, all things considered, has provided me with passing grades so far. What do I have to complain about? Have I really come to the point of thinking that I have to have control over my life? What can I give or do? I'm a feeble, weary human with nothing to offer apart from God's grace. Why then am I putting the reins on my shoulders when all the strength that I could want or need is found in my loving Saviour (Matthew 11:28-30). What's the point of college if the Lord's purposes can't be furthered because of my stubborness? I don't know what the future looks like, where I'll be what I'll be doing. All I want is a heart that desires to glorify God and loves Him more than anything or anyone else. Lord, please help me to see this. Please give me security and strength in the days to come. Life seems so unpredictable to me sometimes but I know that Your plan for everything is far beyond the scope of my microworld. Whatever lies on the road ahead guide and protect me. Help me not to grow bitter or weary but to trust in You and persevere. You know what I need and I trust that You will provide in the days to come. To You be the glory for all eternity. Amen.

In Him alone, Josh

It really is only for God's glory, look around a little bit, nothing else matters....

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately as I walk around from class to class, fall asleep in the still darkness of night and wake to the bright hope of morning. I've just been thinking about how vain life really is apart from God. Just think about it. Every human is born an insufficient intracacy of tissue, bone, and blood, still woven together under God's masterful design. We soon learn to talk and walk and eventually we start school for the purpose of learning so we can work together with other humans to help take care of God's designed world. We work for years and years and soon, if God keeps us from the many afflications that could cause an early death, we die naturally. Our flesh eroding to nothingness but our spirit going one place or another. How can one claim atheism? To truly believe there is no God you would basically have to stop breathing or eating. Where did it all come from? The heart that beats faithfully, rhythmically, helping to circulate blood under lungs which help us breath. What about the food we eat? Why do we get obese from eating more food than the body needs and why do we get malnourished from not eating enough? Who established that "set-point" that establishes optimum health in our bodies? What about thinking and feeling? The brain has a variety of different lobes that give us a memory, sensory perception, and emotional perception. Where did these come from and why are humans the only ones that care for God's created earth? Why all of these things? Because God established all of these things to be or to put it more simply He said so. Belief in atheism or any other religion suggests a depressing and confusing life. How could we be just entities made to reproduce, rebel against our heart's conscience, and cease existence? Do we get a job just to make a living or, at best, enjoy the short time we've been given on earth by living in luxury? Why do we get diseases? Why are people poor? Why are people crazy? What a cruel existence that would be if all we had to look forward to was sleeping in a recliner in our air-conditioned homes watch our high def tv's. Or, how about the American favorite, sticking two pieces of noise-filled plastic pieces in our ears so we can just tune everything and everyone out. I'd sure like to think that there's something bigger to life than all that pointless, useless, hopeless pursuit. And, by God'd grace in sending His Son to sacrifice his life for His chosen children's sin and rejection of Him, there is much more to life. We are all part of God's magnificent plan. However, as part of that plan those of us who believe and trust in Him will spend eternity in heaven with Him while those who don't believe will spend eternity in hell. I think it's time that all of us take a step back and take a good look at ourselves. As Christians, do we really see our filthiness apart from God's grace? Or have we gotten so caught up in self-righteousness, sarcasm, and, my biggest struggle, doubt, that we have orgotten who we are and why we are here? God does have a plan, there is no need to doubt. Just the thought of living in a world without our Lord and Creator gives me the shudders. Even the most basic life functions require His regulation. We age, we travel, we sleep, we smile, we cry, we question but at the end of the day nothing has changed. Our God still sits on the throne and allows everything to happen that happens for His divine plan. With that in mind I don't fear death and I don't fear life. What is there to fear? I want to obey God and honor Him with my life. That's all. Maybe I'm not the smartest, strongest, or tallest but He can still use me and every other Christian. We are His children. I'm glad that He reminds me when I start to forget, that nothing else matters but desiring to glorify Him with my life....

In Him, Josh