My goodness, I have to be one of the most emotionally fickle people on the face of this earth. One moment I'm fully hopeful and excited about all the opportunities at medical school in the future, Lordwilling. Then I look at pre-meder's blogs from around the nation and there lofty GPA's and MCAT scores (about 3.5 and 30 MCAT scores) and how they are unlikely to make it into med school. How do you think that makes me feel with my 3.185 GPA and two blaring D's on my transcript!!! Combined with the fact that I have yet to take the MCAT!!! It makes me worry, feel turmoiled, and sink into despair as I look from the bottom up and what seems to be an insurmountable "hill of difficulty" (like Pilgrim's Progress) in the future. I sometimes definitely feel that the devil looks for ways to sink our hearts into despair as Christians. Always on the lookout for ways to draw us away from the Lord and our trust in Him. I cannot help but draw encouragement from Proverbs 3:5-6 (NASB) in this light. It says, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight." If He will "make your paths straight", why I am so worried. Why does stress and turmoil come? Because I am a sinful human whom, no matter how many times the Lord shows His grace and provision over all things, will continue to struggle with doubting His promises. Why am I so worried? I don't really even understand myself sometimes. One moment I feel perfeclty content and settled with life, and the next I feel like all hope is lost. It's actually kind of funny to me because I know how fickle and confused I am apart from God's grace. I'd be a total mess if I couldn't take enouragement in the fact that God's hand is over everything. God has been gracious to me in so many ways and yet I continue to shun trusting in Him, instead trying to worry my way through life like a lost dog....Lord, please have mercy on me and help me to realize that I am nothing apart from Your grace. I thank you for all the different ways that You've carried me through difficulty after difficulty, and trial after trial, all in accordance with Your purposes. I know that all that you want from me is a heart that desires to honor and glorify You. Please help me to keep this focus no matter what twists and turns life brings. All that I really want is to honor and glorify You. If it would glorify You most, you could take me this very instant. But for Your plans and purposes, You've chosen to leave here on this earth for now. Please help me not to grow discouraged or frustrated, but to trust in You and know that You are in control. Amen.
Hebrews 12:1-2 (NASB),"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."
In Christ for all eternity, Josh
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