Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Quite an interesting Thanksgiving it has been...I was invited by a couple of people to spend Thanksgiving at their houses, but I deffered because I really just wanted a break. Just wanted to relax. So I watched football in my RD's apartment (because of his kind invitation), talked to my family at home, at a generously given Thanksgiving dinner from one of the cafeteria guys on my wing, at a box of boxed mac n' cheese with it, looked at sports and news on the internet.....Ya, definitely pretty interesting :) It was good tho. I feel like I had a really good break day, even though I miss my family at home. I actually really miss my family at home and the peace and quiet of life in the country...I know that the Lord has me here for His purposes though, so that makes everything alright. I sure would like a piece of my sister's apple pie with ice cream and a big glass of milk right now though :)...Haha. Oh, I do miss 'em. Lord knows though. He wouldn't have me here if He didn't want me here. I know that no matter how much I struggle with doubt and trusting in Him, He has already delivered me from sin's reign in my life and secured my heart with Him. Life won't last long, and I sure pray He uses mine in a mighty way for His purposes.....I feel like sometimes I forget just how much the Lord has done for me. He didn't have to save me from my rebellion and overpowering sinfulness. But He did. He did and that's the greatest blessing I can think of on this Thanksgiving. Even more than that, this is the greatest blessing for every Christian. I'll probably never understand how professing Christians can be so content with taking this lightly. Maybe they're not Christians, only God knows that though. All I can do is trust Him and keep my focus on Him, not other people, in this life. I know that if I'm truly focused on Him, He'll use my life as a ministry to others. This isn't something that I need to try and muster up myself but rather something that He will provide for. I've learned that the hard way lately but I know that the Lord will provide despite my struggles........Lord, I thank you for the salvation You've given to all believers, I thank you for the terrific parents You've given me whose hearts desire is to honor You, I thank You for my brother in TX and my sister at home and the encouragment that they've been to me and the rest of the family, I thank You for Your forgiveness, that even when I am deceived and tricked by sin, You deliver me, I thank You for using every one of the trials that I have faced and currently face for Your purposes, and take heart in knowing that one day I will spend eternity with You in heaven...Amen.

From a thankful heart to our Savior,

Josh

Lord, please save me from myself...And please help me to be thankful and joyful...

I've really been struggling lately with two seemingly seperate but somewhat coinciding aspects of my life. First, I've been struggling with doubting God and the reality of the Christian faith. I don't know exactly what has caused this but I know that one troublesome thought for me is how Christian people, including myself, can be saved by God's grace but still struggle mightily and at times give in to the wretched wickedness of sin. Then I feel down because in my World Religions class I see parallels between Christianity and other religions and it throws my mind and thinking into fits. It makes me wonder what makes Christianity different? I then read God's Word and study Physiology and see God's power and rule over everything and feel that my joy and praise is stunted by my doubt.....I fell like I don't really understand what the role of Christians on this earth are...At first, I took the view of isolating from other Christians if they didn't seem to be truly desiring God's purposes for their lives or if they seemed to take the Christian life casually.. Then I took the view that I am still accountable as a Christian to be involved in the lives of other Christians and hold them accountable to God's Word, which is a big reason that I decided to return to Master's this year. But now I feel that I am having trouble discerning what is from God's Word and what is from my own thinking. Other professing Christians seem to have little or no problem doing things that would typically bother me so I don't know whether these are standards I have made up for myself over the years or if they are truly from God's Word. I'd like to take the time to get into God's Word and discover these truths but I normally only read briefly and from different parts of the Bible, not really a directed study. So maybe I should try to make more time to do a directed study of a book of the Bible.......Second, I've been struggling with guilt in almost every aspect of my life. It's gotten so bad that I dare not look at previous tests for fear of finding a grading mistake, or papers for fear of finding a citation error and having my conscience throw all sorts of mixed signals into my head till I feel like begging for mercy. I don't know what the deal is there either. I've always struggled with having an incredibly accusing conscience and it's gotten worse since I've been in college. Maybe this guilt has caused some of my doubt and sadness. I know that we are meant to live joyfully and thankfully as Christians, but just when I'm about to relax and be thankful for a break or look back on a great blessing from the Lord in my life, guilt/my conscience hammers me for some/any ridiculous reason to keep me from enjoying life as one of God's children....I'm not in school because I like learning facts for no purpose. I want my education to make me thankful for God's creation and for His presence in my life, not something that makes me feel irrepresible guilt for no reason. I desire to be honest to please the Lord, not so that I feel satisfied and content with myself.....I know that's a lot but, if anyone reads this, I'd appreciate your prayers. I know that in the end it will all work out and the Lord will deliver me from this fleshly body into eternity with Him, but that doesn't mean that there will never be struggles in this life. Lord, please understand that I am so wicked and ignorant apart from your grace. I'm so thankful for all of your working not only in my life but for every believer. My soul knows that you are my Creator and that you have graciously chosen me as one of your children, but my flesh rips at me and tries to deny Your existence. I know that you will deliver me from this just like you've delivered me from every other obstacle in the past. May You be honored and glorified forever! Please save me from myself and may your plans and purposes be accomplished for all eternity! Help me to trust Lord, Help me trust.....

Knowing that trials are meant for God's glory and my good unto His praise and glory!, Josh

Welp, another week comes to a close......

Well, today was a busy day academically. I had a big Cultural Geography exam, a pretty big World Religions exam, and, just when I felt like I could loosen up a bit, a Physics pop quiz to close out the night :) Aaa, that's alright tho. The longer I go on in school, the more I learn that education is a continual process. It's never really "done" until the semester is over....But, no reason for complaints, I'm still very thankful to have this opportunity....I mentioned to one of my classmates during a break in Physics that I'd like to graduate a semester early. I think that some of my classmates get the impression that I'm a little genius nerd who doesn't have to work for anything and gets a 4.0. I almost chuckle to myself, when I think about the struggle and difficulty that I've faced in this major. It's never been easy. I have to struggle just to be somewhat competitive/eligible for med school. I've had to push myself to total exhaustion many a time. I feel that if this is what the Lord wants me to do He will provide the strength that I need, no matter how tough it gets....It's easy to say, "Well just sit down and study", but I think that if anyone stepped into my shoes for a little while, they'd see how hard it is to sit in a chair and study when you feel like your body is more designed for physical labor or some other sort of physical activity....The Lord has been very kind in helping me to make it this far in college and only His grace and strength will help me persevere to the end.....Well, Lordwilling tommorow I'm going on a trip with some of my best friends at school here to the beach and stuff for a couple days. At first I was only gonna go for a day or possibly not go, but since three of my best friends are going that won't be here next semester, I figured I should enjoy hanging out with them while there's still time. I'll just try to bring some homework with me :)......So ya, everything's going pretty good still. Just trying to be diligent and pull my grades up as the semester starts to close...... "In Him, you also, after listening to the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation--having also believed, you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of promise,
who is given as a pledge of our inheritance, with a view to the redemption of God's own possession, to the praise of His glory." (Ephesians 1:13-14, NASB)

In Him, Josh

Old time autumn memories...

Our dorm RD's were very kind and made homemade apple pies for the entire dorm tonight....Num-num-goo-goo (as Minnesotans say:).....Anyway their kindness and the wonderful pie made me think about what autumn was like to me in past years.....Crisp, cold air. Orange-red hued leaves gleaming in the curiously cold sunlight. Me and my brother playing football at our friend Sean's house. Watching the Michigan Wolverines dominate their opposition in the fireplace warmed house. Fall Fling (Youth group retreat). Wanting recess to come as fast as possible at school. Jumping in huge piles of leaves that were sometimes still wet. Going to boxing practice with a family filed car just as the sun was going down. Sleeping on the top level of a cozy bunk bed I shared with my brother. Celebrating as the first snow of the year softly fell from the sky......Ya, that's pretty much what life was like before I started college. However, even though I miss home and family sometimes, I'm glad to be out. Learning, manuevering, struggling, striving, pushing, exhuasting, disciplining, bumming, aching, and, though I often forget to, trusting God through all these different facets on the road of life. The best part is looking back and seeing how God has been faithful throughout the years. My life has hit some really tough points but no matter how painful circumstances have been, the Lord has provided. I thank Him for his provision and know that whatever lies on the road ahead, He has secured my soul eternally in Him. Amen and amen.

Psalm 150 (NASB):
1Praise the LORD!
Praise God in His sanctuary;
Praise Him in His mighty expanse.
2Praise Him for His mighty deeds;
Praise Him according to His excellent greatness.
3Praise Him with trumpet sound;
Praise Him with harp and lyre.
4Praise Him with timbrel and dancing;
Praise Him with stringed instruments and pipe.
5Praise Him with loud cymbals;
Praise Him with resounding cymbals.
6Let everything that has breath praise the LORD.
Praise the LORD!

To the glory of Him who has delivered myself and all believers from eternal death and has given us eternity in heaven with Him, Josh

Man, I'm really startin to get burnt out of school....

It's tough for me to say, but I really don't know what's going on. I just feel really tired of school right now and the more I try to push myself the touher it is for me to focus. I don't think that it's laziness because, by God's grace, I've been able to make it through much mor challenging circumstances than this before. Maybe some of how I was feeling last night is just from academic fatiuge or something. I feel pretty lame giving this excuse but maybe doing OChem and working over the summer followed by this fall is what's burning me out. And I'm approaching the time when I'm going to need to be most disciplined--studying for the MCAT!!! I hope that I am not receiving the consequences of trying to do too much at once again. I just feel like I need some motivation and drive or something. I'm just really having a tough time focusing on school right now. I know I was kind of down after hearing from my parents about the troubles of some of our family's old friends last night. So maybe that's it. I don't know what it is. I do know this though (James 1:12 NASB): "Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him." Just gotta trust that promise and keep plugging away. Even when the going gets tough like it is right now....

In Him, Josh

Please give me wisdom and discernment and wisdom Lord....

My heart is very heavy tonight. In fact, it's so heavy that I had to stop doing homework, looking at football stuff, listening to "exciting" Christian music, and just stop everything to pray. I realized why my heart is so broken. I think that I've been struggling with grieving the Spirit in me lately. I've really tried to be more sociable with other people so that I can get to know them better and encourage them in Christ. But I feel like I've let my own heart slip in attempting to do this. I've tried to not be in a "shell" (which I'm really not, it just takes me a while to get to know people sometimes) but I feel like I've comprised things spiritually in order to do this. No longer can I just try to figure out how to relate to people best on my own. I have to, must, cannot survive as a Christian without, daily reading God's Word and spending time in prayer. I don't care what's going on or how busy things get. Uggggghhh, I just feel so burdened right now because I haven't been spending enough time in God's Word and in prayer. How can I expect to be joyful and trusting in God as a Christian if I don't take care of myself spiritually? Could I expect to run a marathon if I was dehydrated? No wonder I'm so down. I should be! I'm nelecting the very focal point of my life and attempting to try to figure things out myself. I'm growing content with thinking that silly joking and jesting are okay because other Christians aren't bothered by them. But I can't do it anymore...If the Lord wanted to let me die in my sin, He wouldn't have saved me from my rebellion and troubles as a teenager. I cannot continue to live in a way that grieves God's spirit within me. This is how I know that I am one of God's children. As Christians, we know that God hates sin. How then can a Christian not be grieved when they allow sin to enter their life? If God's Spirit lives within us how can we not be grieved? No wonder my heart is so heavy. God has saved me from the sinful rebellion that controlled my life and would have brought me to death and eternity in hell and has made me one of His children......I just want to grow in the Lord while I'm on this Earth. I pray that He will help me to discern how to be an effective minister of Him to other people. I really need to be more prayerful about this and reading God's Word. My life means nothing apart from Christ and I care about nothing apart from Him. I pray that He helps me to live with this in mind.

For His glory alone, Josh