Blessed Assurance, the Lord has delivered me...

In all my struggling and wrestling with thoughts in the last few days, I just now remembered one of the most firm defenses that not only does our Lord exist but He has saved me: He changed my life by changing my heart's desires and motives. No longer am I enslaved by sinful rebellion, deceit, and lust, but He has changed my heart and made my heart's desire to glorify Him by obeying His law. When I stumble at points, even as I struggle with doubt now, it is because, though my spirit has been eternally delivered from the wicked one, my flesh and humanity drage me down and keep me from always living in accordance with the desires of my new, changed heart. I won't be free from this struggle until the Lord takes me home. But the one thing I do know is that my salvation in Christ is secure, no matter what my foolish, wicked flesh tries to trick me into believing! He lives and therefore I live because He has delivered me. I would be dead and fallen in the darkness of my sin apart from His grace. Why would I be here on earth if not to glorify the Lord? To make a million bucks of paper money that goes to the grave as soon as I do? To bow before some ridiculous piece of plastic that I made with my own hands and that symbolizes the utter sinfulness of humanity? To live under the impression that somehow you are in control of how good you live and carry your pride, esteem, and title to the grave with you? NO!!!!! How can you open your heart and mind to nothingness in meditation and not expect to recieve sinful perceptions in a dark, sinful world? How can you say that there is no divine Creator when all things have been designed so magnificently that it overwhelms the brain just to try to understand a small portion of this design? How can you say that humans are naturally good people when murders happen everyday, disease sweeps through the world, and arrogance and pride dominate every facet of life everywhere? Where is the hope and joy in supposedly becoming nothing after death? Why would life exist now if that where it's purpose? Every human was born into sin, but in accordance with His purposes, the Lord has chosen some to glorify Him throughout all eternity....All that I can do is ask the Lord to clarify my thinking and give me wisdom, discernment, and understanding as I struggle with this. I know that one day He will bring eternal judgement on all who decieve and distract from the Truth, but all I can do until then is trust in Him and pray that He keeps me from falling. I know that He will because He has delivered me....I was wondering earlier why I had lost so much of my motivation and had grown apathetic toward, pre-med, people, sports, entertainment and just life in general. Everything seems bland when I have lost focus and become distracted from living to glorify the Lord. There is no joy, no peace, no contentment, no satisfaction apart from Him for His children. This is another reason that I know that I am one of His children....I really don't know exactly what His caused this confusion in me. I think that maybe it's just my thinking going back and forth between how to live as a Christian in a sin-filled world full of deciteful people who claim to be Christians and really aren't. My problem is that I look at other people's lives instead of Christ in order to determine this and that's when I get distracted. This is part of the difficulty of going to a Christian school. At a public school most students don't even profess to be Christians but at a Christian school the unbelievers blend in so well with the true believers that it's nearly impossible to distinguish between the two. That's why it's not my job to distinguish between the two but to realize that God will distinguish between the two and that I just need to be focused on Him and obeying His commands....I really feel like this struggle has come at a very difficult time for me as it is the end of the semester and all and it has really hindered my motivation towards anything. But I believe that my heart's condition is way more important than my academic standing. As Matthew 6: 30-34 (NASB) says,"But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! "Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?' "For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." This is not at all an excuse for laziness but just remembering that my focus should be on Christ no matter what's going on and He will provide in the way that He sees fit. Wow, as I've written this post I've gotten more encouraged. Praise our Savior! Thank you Lord!

In Him who delivers us from even the most painful of trials, Josh