My heart is very heavy tonight. In fact, it's so heavy that I had to stop doing homework, looking at football stuff, listening to "exciting" Christian music, and just stop everything to pray. I realized why my heart is so broken. I think that I've been struggling with grieving the Spirit in me lately. I've really tried to be more sociable with other people so that I can get to know them better and encourage them in Christ. But I feel like I've let my own heart slip in attempting to do this. I've tried to not be in a "shell" (which I'm really not, it just takes me a while to get to know people sometimes) but I feel like I've comprised things spiritually in order to do this. No longer can I just try to figure out how to relate to people best on my own. I have to, must, cannot survive as a Christian without, daily reading God's Word and spending time in prayer. I don't care what's going on or how busy things get. Uggggghhh, I just feel so burdened right now because I haven't been spending enough time in God's Word and in prayer. How can I expect to be joyful and trusting in God as a Christian if I don't take care of myself spiritually? Could I expect to run a marathon if I was dehydrated? No wonder I'm so down. I should be! I'm nelecting the very focal point of my life and attempting to try to figure things out myself. I'm growing content with thinking that silly joking and jesting are okay because other Christians aren't bothered by them. But I can't do it anymore...If the Lord wanted to let me die in my sin, He wouldn't have saved me from my rebellion and troubles as a teenager. I cannot continue to live in a way that grieves God's spirit within me. This is how I know that I am one of God's children. As Christians, we know that God hates sin. How then can a Christian not be grieved when they allow sin to enter their life? If God's Spirit lives within us how can we not be grieved? No wonder my heart is so heavy. God has saved me from the sinful rebellion that controlled my life and would have brought me to death and eternity in hell and has made me one of His children......I just want to grow in the Lord while I'm on this Earth. I pray that He will help me to discern how to be an effective minister of Him to other people. I really need to be more prayerful about this and reading God's Word. My life means nothing apart from Christ and I care about nothing apart from Him. I pray that He helps me to live with this in mind.
For His glory alone, Josh
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