Just sorta thinkin....

I feel like I always get down at the end of the schoolweek. I don't know if this happens to other people or not. It's kind of weird though. Maybe it's just because the week is so intense and busy that when I get to the end of it I'm exhausted and my stamina's down. Or maybe it's just part of life that I have to deal with.......Anyway, I think that I'm gonna try to stop looking at other people's opinions and planning's for medical school. That always seems to get me down. I feel like their in a whole other league than me and get intimitated. Then I see how much money goes inti med school and how much people seem to dislike being in continous study and that only adds to the burden. Lord knows right? He's always known and He'll work it out for the best. I just have to be patient and trust Him when my emotions get even me confused....I don't think that I really anticipated having this much on my shoulders before I came to college. I was so naive and carefree. I was like, "WooHoo, I'm going to California", "I'm getting out of the house and life is going to just be a big adventure now!!!". Hahahaha. I didn't anticipate the workload that's taken quite a toll on me now. That's alright tho. Just giving it a shot right? Lord knows what He wants me to do. I should still have that same sense of adventure and excitement. I still don't know what the future or even tommorow holds. But trusting in the Lord takes all of that burden off of me.......Life is good. Just knowing that I've got nothing to lose. By God's grace my eternal standing in Christ is secure. Whatever life throws at me, I know that I have eternity in heaven with the Lord to look forward to. No worries....No worries at all.

In Christ, Josh

Just taking a night to slow down....

When I got back from Physics lab tonight at about 9:15 or so, I decided that it was time for me take a night off. I had planned on having Sunday off this weekend, but circumstances changing as they often do, that didn't happen. I feel that it's healthy for me to get a little down time to just sit and think about everything go instead of the eat-sleep-do schoolwork-physical activity-socialize cycle that makes up almost all of life. I'm thankful for all the opportunities the Lord has given me but sometimes I think I try to do too much. This leaves me exahsuated but it's almost like I don't know how else to operate. I always want to do more and when I'm not doing more for an extended period I feel like I'm just being lazy. This probably isn't the case but it's just tough for me to see the line between lazy and overload I guess....Anyway, today went pretty well. I had my first ever mach-date sort of thing today (just goin to chapel), which really wasn't a date but more of just a fun wing event deal. I sort of like the girl that I asked, but I on't really know whether she likes me or not. I figure just forming a good friendship as brother and sister in Christ should come first and foremost. Perhaps by God's grace, I'm not really at a wanting-to-get-married-before-anything-else-happens stage in my life. I kind of would just like a good friend that I can encourage and can encourage me in Christ right now. Maybe a relationship and eventually marriage will branch out of that but I don't see any rush. I got plenty to think about as it is, and even if I didn't it's in God's time......Tonight's one of those nights when I feel like I won't possibly have the strength to get up and make it throuh the day Lordwilling tommorow. I know it's only by God's grace that I do. Just keep pluggin away. I try not to be bothered by the little things in life, but just focus on Christ and keep on a pushin'. He'll give me life and breath as long as He wants me here so I have nothin to worry about......Oh goodness, so we got preparation for the MCAT, tryin to keep up and stay motivated with school, wondering what I'm gonna be doin in life once I get outta here, wonderin whether or not now is the time I should be tryin to get a future wife, wonderin whether or not my past decisions were the best ones, wanting to be an encouragement to others in Christ and not a distraction, trying to get a decent amount of sleep, wonderin if I'll get into med. school, and if I don't wonderin what I should do then, wonderin if I'm bein too boisterous or too shy.....But you know what, this list of worries should really be my prayer list. If I prayed half as much as I complained and worried about everything, I'm sure I'd be a lot more encouraged in Christ.....This isn't sayin that I have too much on my plate. It's just sayin that I need to be more prayerful and trusting of the Lord so that I stop despairing and start livin content in Christ. This world is such a mad jumbling of temporary joy and frequent sadness. I can't know what the future looks like, but I know that trusting in Christ is the only way to keep me from worrying about it. I pray that He helps me do this......Good-night.

Hopeful in Christ, Josh

Lord, please help me to trust in You......

My goodness, I have to be one of the most emotionally fickle people on the face of this earth. One moment I'm fully hopeful and excited about all the opportunities at medical school in the future, Lordwilling. Then I look at pre-meder's blogs from around the nation and there lofty GPA's and MCAT scores (about 3.5 and 30 MCAT scores) and how they are unlikely to make it into med school. How do you think that makes me feel with my 3.185 GPA and two blaring D's on my transcript!!! Combined with the fact that I have yet to take the MCAT!!! It makes me worry, feel turmoiled, and sink into despair as I look from the bottom up and what seems to be an insurmountable "hill of difficulty" (like Pilgrim's Progress) in the future. I sometimes definitely feel that the devil looks for ways to sink our hearts into despair as Christians. Always on the lookout for ways to draw us away from the Lord and our trust in Him. I cannot help but draw encouragement from Proverbs 3:5-6 (NASB) in this light. It says, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight." If He will "make your paths straight", why I am so worried. Why does stress and turmoil come? Because I am a sinful human whom, no matter how many times the Lord shows His grace and provision over all things, will continue to struggle with doubting His promises. Why am I so worried? I don't really even understand myself sometimes. One moment I feel perfeclty content and settled with life, and the next I feel like all hope is lost. It's actually kind of funny to me because I know how fickle and confused I am apart from God's grace. I'd be a total mess if I couldn't take enouragement in the fact that God's hand is over everything. God has been gracious to me in so many ways and yet I continue to shun trusting in Him, instead trying to worry my way through life like a lost dog....Lord, please have mercy on me and help me to realize that I am nothing apart from Your grace. I thank you for all the different ways that You've carried me through difficulty after difficulty, and trial after trial, all in accordance with Your purposes. I know that all that you want from me is a heart that desires to honor and glorify You. Please help me to keep this focus no matter what twists and turns life brings. All that I really want is to honor and glorify You. If it would glorify You most, you could take me this very instant. But for Your plans and purposes, You've chosen to leave here on this earth for now. Please help me not to grow discouraged or frustrated, but to trust in You and know that You are in control. Amen.

Hebrews 12:1-2 (NASB),"Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

In Christ for all eternity, Josh

Top 10 Medical School prospects as of today....

I talked with Dr. Anderson the other day and, to make a long story short, realized that I need to, trusting in the Lord and depending only on His strength, work my hardest and best towards the career that I feel He is leading me to and the avenue of getting there, medical school. As tough as it may seem, by God's soverignty I'll be wherever He wants me at, but that doesn't give an excuse to slack off or not work hard. Knowing that I am working at it for His glory should encourage me to work harder not ease off. So anyway, here are my top 10 medical school options as of right now, Thursday, October 23, 2008:

1) Baylor College of Medicine
2) University of Wisconsin-Madison
3) Medical College of Wisconsin
4) University of Michigan-Ann Arbor
5) University of Texas (Houston)
6) University of Virginia
7) University of Washington
8) Wake Forest University
9) Yale University
10) Harvard University

Some of these schools may definitely seem out of reach but whatever happens, I know the Lord's in control. And that's all the security I need. It's been a long day. Good-night.

In Christ, Josh

Cris is Awesome

yay!!

Another exciting blog by a tired old man :)......

Well, just kinda sittin here on a mid-October Friday night listening to some relaxing jazz piano music. I tried to get some homework done today, but when it came down to it, I was just to plumb tired for any more academia. This was an intense week, so I instead spent my afternoon playing football and ultimate. It was really fun. I then went to dinner with friends and came back to my room, where I presently sit. The funny thing about college is that it seems like you have nothing to do, really just homework and class and stuff, but you somehow end up more exhausted or at least as exhausted as you would have been from manual labor. In my case that's how it is anyway.....Anyway, lately I've kind of been thinking, should be praying more as well, about what sort of career I should pursue. Right now I'm considering finishing college a semester early (3 1/2 years) and being and EMT for a while then trying to get into a good PA program, if medical school doesn't work out. I just don't really know, even if I got into medical school, if I could make it through another four years of even more intense academia. But, God has definitely been the only reason I've made it this far in college so if He wants another four years from me, He'll give me the strength to make it through......I've also just felt really stressed out lately to. This has been going on for a while now (it kind of started during OChem in the summer) but I just feel tense, even when I'm trying to relax. I think that I need to spend more time in God's Word too. That'd probably help me not worry about things and be so tense all the time....Honestly, I just really miss being at home around my family and the quiet, opn country at times too. This sounds silly from a kid who wanted so badly to see the big world and head out West for college. But I guess I just really need to see that this is how life is. It's about more than me and what makes me comfortable. It should be lived to God's glory not mine.....It'll be so great to be in heaven someday. I'm really looking forward to just spending eternity worshipping the Lord. No sin to wrestle with, no stress to cope with, no homesickness, just purely and genuinely worshipping our Savior and Creator around His throne. it just makes me feel so tiny to consider how powerful and loving our Lord is. I'm such a little speck of what He has made in His image, and yet He delivers me from the death that I rightfully deserved to bring glory to Himself. How much I love the Lord! Really how can there be a greater joy than this. And the fact that salvation is secure and the Lord only has me here for just a short time to use my life for His purposes. It makes me just long for heaven right now. But I know that God has me here for His purposes, so that makes me content with staying.....Even in times when I am completely physically ill and mentally and emotionally exhausted, like this past week, the Lord is faithful to bring me through that. I mean really what do I have to worry about. As Romans 8:38-39 (NASB) says, "For I am convinced that neither (A)death, nor life, nor (B)angels, nor principalities, nor (C)things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from (D)the love of God, which is (E)in Christ Jesus our Lord."..... If none of these things can seperate us from the love of God, what can? Certainly not a bad grade or being short and youthful looking. Because when it all comes down to it, the ord has me here for His purposes. I'm not in college just to have fun and goof around, I don't go to class just to learn a bunch of facts and terms, I don't study because it makes me happy, I don't want to be a doctor so I can be a prideful and wealthy affluence.....May the Lord give me and other believers a heart that desires to use all these wonderful opportunities at college to glorify Him. Because when it comes down to it, that's what life, both now and in eternity, is all about.

Weak on my own but ever so strong in Christ, Josh

An exciting blog written by a tired old man...

So, I am greatly encouraged and thankful for all the different ways the Lord is soverignly working in my life and the lives of others for his purposes. I was just looking at PA (Physician's Assistant) programs and considering that as a possible alternative if med school doesn't work out. I also added everything up and found out that I could very possibly graduate a semester early, Lordwilling. So basically just a lot of cool stuff going on right now and I'm thankful to see God's soverignty through all of it. Welp, gotta go. In Christ, Josh