Happy New Year!!! 2008 comes to a close and 2009 begins by God's grace!!!

I look forward to seeing God's grace evident in the year to come. Blessings to all and Happy New Year!!! In Christ, Josh Gilbert

It's a God ordained life...Merry Christmas!!!

I just watched the movie "It's a Wonderful Life" a little bit ago and it got me thinking a lot...I've been feeling really burdened lately and really wanting to be closer to the Lord in every aspect of my life but I feel like instead I'm drifting further and further away...I don't need to wait till New Year's to know that my urgent need is to be on my knees in prayer before the Lord and to ask Him for wisdom and strength on a moment by moment basis...Wherever I'm at in life all I want is to be close to the Lord and to walk with Him in all that I do...Maybe He's letting this happen to me in order that I may see this more clearly...My heart aches when I feel distant from Him and when He is offended or taken lightly by others...I know that He alone is the Truth and I cannot find any hope or content apart from Him...Lord, I pray that no matter how long I continue to struggle with doubting, pride, uneccesary guilt, or any other sin, that would hold me close to You through the end of this year and however many years you grace me with. All I want is to be your servant Lord. Please use me in whatever way You see fit. Lord, I beg that You would help me to trust in You. My own doubt tears me apart. I love You Lord. please strike down my pride. I am nothing apart from You and anything I do apart from You is worthless. Please instill that in my mind. Please give me wisdom and direction for the days to come. I have no hope apart from You. I love You Lord and look forward to the day of Your return with a longing that I can't express. Thank you for sending Your Son to die for my own sin and the sin of every believer and for giving us Lordwilling tommorow to remember and celebrate. I love You Lord.

May You be glorified eternally, Josh

The Fall 2008 semester is over!!! Praise the Lord for His strength and provision!!!

Wow, the semester finally came to a close today, as I stepped out of the RCSM room in which my Physiology I final took place. It seems like I always get this refreshed feeling after a semester has completed. Especially this semester, I feel very grateful to be done...To say it straight up, this has been a difficult year for me and I'm sure many others. However, as I was thinking tonight, my joy is found in knowing that our Savior will take care of me and that this life is very brief. Whatever happens He is in control. I am filled with joy when I realize that no matter how hard the wicked one may plot against me, plague me with guilt and doubt, and try to cause me to stumble, our God still sits on His throne and has all power and authority over the wicked one. What a blessed thought that is! Our hope and strength in time of need is our merciful Savior who has soverignly chosen us to be His children! This hope and strength has been put on display even more this year I feel. I debated switching majors (though biology is all I'd really want to be in school for), felt crippled by physical weakness and sickness in the early part of the year, struggled viscously with Organic Chemistry I and II over the summer while working, tried to decide whether or not it was a wise idea to transfer to another college, and came back this semester to 17 units of coursework, and struggling with doubting the very God who loves me and sustains me daily! The spectacular part is that I really could and can see God's working throughout all of this. Trials are part of our lives as Christians and it is to our benefit as believers that they happen (James 1). If there was no struggle maybe I would grow apathetic and lazy in walking as a Christian. I don't have all of the answers but I know that God is good and that He provides when provision seems impossible...As Psalm 34:8 (NIV) says, "Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him." May the Lord be the refuge to every believer and help us to see that we are but pilgrims on this earth. Persevere for His purposes. I pray that I will, even as I try to rest my body over this wonderful Christmas break :). May our Lord be glorified forever!

In Christ, Josh

Trying to hang in for about 3 more days :)...

Wow, this has been an intesnse and crazy year. If I would have known that it would be so hard at the beginning of the year I may have just fainted on the spot :) But the Lord knows and He always makes a way and provides strength for His children....On the whole though, this semester has been a real blessing. It's kind of been an extension of the spring and summer which were truly difficult but blessed struggles...It's funny because I'm almost looking forward to getting home in a few days Lordwilling and being greeted by the blistery cold but the terrific warmth and encouragement of my family. Wisconsin may be pretty rural but its always a joy to be able to spend some time at home with my family...I can't really describe how I feel very well right now. It's like a mix of tired, anticipation, joy, struggle, contentment, and contemplating....I've really been trying to be prayerful about trusting in God more with things. I really would like to feel more connected spiritually but things just feel really weighty right now. I feel like I'm struggling with other aspects of life even though the academics aren't too shabby. Oh well, prayerfully I'll be able to have some downtime to just think about eveything when I get home Lordwilling...I feel like, at least a couple of times in the last couple of weeks, I've felt disoriented for some reason. One time I woke up and was kind of like, "Where am I?" I think some of this is just that I've kind of been around a lot of different areas over the past few years but some of it is probably jus that I need some time to regroup and refocus. Hopefully that can happen over Christmas break....Anyway, I better get heading to bed. Just a few more days of this left and then home free Lordwilling. Haha. In Christ, Josh

Our only strength and stability on the roller coaster of life is Him...

I'll start off by saying that I feel pretty nauseated and sick right now. I woke up this morning not feeling to well after an unsettled night of sleep last night but thankfully I had enough time to take two naps today.....Brandon, Jared, Cris, and I went to a Christmas dinner at a Mexican restaurant that was hosted by the tutoring place that I worked for last year. The food was good but I ate a little too much and I had too much soda pop so I feel pretty nauseated right now....Spiritually, I'm still struggling with things to the point of extremity. I feel like I have a lot of ups and downs throughout the course of a day, one minute I'm happy and content and at a peace with everything that the Lord is in control and the next minute I'm worried and guilty about the past and the fact that my faith in the Lord feels very weak right now. This is the worst feeling ever! I would rather have to retake Organic Chemistry for the rest of my life or even be excommunicated from the entire world than doubt the very One for whom I wish to honor with my life! As Psalm 13:1-2 (NIV) says, "How long, O LORD ? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?" I can only take solace in the verses that follow in Psalm 13:3-6 (NIV), "Look on me and answer, O LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death; my enemy will say, "I have overcome him," and my foes will rejoice when I fall. But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for he has been good to me.".....This is like exactly how I feel right now. "How long, O Lord?" Is this punishment for sin? I don't know. I've tried avoiding things that might be needless and just distrct me from Christ but the struggle is still there. My conscience has become totally inflammed now and I'm fearful to even look at past assigments or present ones as I know that a tiny missed mistake or error on my part can throw my mind into a chaotic series of fits, accusing and overwhelming me. Equally difficult to me is the fact that I lose my motivation and sense of direction when I doubt the Lord which makes disciplining myself to study quite the task....I hope that I'm not being selfish here but I have to be honest. I can't fake and say everything's great if it's really not...Life is truly a battle. I learn that more and more every day. Nothing comes easy for the Christian....Maybe just the fact that I've been under a lot of diress this entire year is catching up with me....I know that whatever is going on in me right now, the Lord knows it and He will provide because He is faithful and true and has already hidden my life with Him in heaven (Colossians 3:3). He won't let me go back to the slavery of sin and though the battle is vicious, most if not all of the time, by His grace I will stand in Him. What a blessed assurance, huh? Can't wait to be with Him when this short life comes to a close, but He has me here for now at this place and time for His purposes and I thank Him for that. The Lord always knows whats best for His children.

For His glory throughout eternity, Josh

Blessed Assurance, the Lord has delivered me...

In all my struggling and wrestling with thoughts in the last few days, I just now remembered one of the most firm defenses that not only does our Lord exist but He has saved me: He changed my life by changing my heart's desires and motives. No longer am I enslaved by sinful rebellion, deceit, and lust, but He has changed my heart and made my heart's desire to glorify Him by obeying His law. When I stumble at points, even as I struggle with doubt now, it is because, though my spirit has been eternally delivered from the wicked one, my flesh and humanity drage me down and keep me from always living in accordance with the desires of my new, changed heart. I won't be free from this struggle until the Lord takes me home. But the one thing I do know is that my salvation in Christ is secure, no matter what my foolish, wicked flesh tries to trick me into believing! He lives and therefore I live because He has delivered me. I would be dead and fallen in the darkness of my sin apart from His grace. Why would I be here on earth if not to glorify the Lord? To make a million bucks of paper money that goes to the grave as soon as I do? To bow before some ridiculous piece of plastic that I made with my own hands and that symbolizes the utter sinfulness of humanity? To live under the impression that somehow you are in control of how good you live and carry your pride, esteem, and title to the grave with you? NO!!!!! How can you open your heart and mind to nothingness in meditation and not expect to recieve sinful perceptions in a dark, sinful world? How can you say that there is no divine Creator when all things have been designed so magnificently that it overwhelms the brain just to try to understand a small portion of this design? How can you say that humans are naturally good people when murders happen everyday, disease sweeps through the world, and arrogance and pride dominate every facet of life everywhere? Where is the hope and joy in supposedly becoming nothing after death? Why would life exist now if that where it's purpose? Every human was born into sin, but in accordance with His purposes, the Lord has chosen some to glorify Him throughout all eternity....All that I can do is ask the Lord to clarify my thinking and give me wisdom, discernment, and understanding as I struggle with this. I know that one day He will bring eternal judgement on all who decieve and distract from the Truth, but all I can do until then is trust in Him and pray that He keeps me from falling. I know that He will because He has delivered me....I was wondering earlier why I had lost so much of my motivation and had grown apathetic toward, pre-med, people, sports, entertainment and just life in general. Everything seems bland when I have lost focus and become distracted from living to glorify the Lord. There is no joy, no peace, no contentment, no satisfaction apart from Him for His children. This is another reason that I know that I am one of His children....I really don't know exactly what His caused this confusion in me. I think that maybe it's just my thinking going back and forth between how to live as a Christian in a sin-filled world full of deciteful people who claim to be Christians and really aren't. My problem is that I look at other people's lives instead of Christ in order to determine this and that's when I get distracted. This is part of the difficulty of going to a Christian school. At a public school most students don't even profess to be Christians but at a Christian school the unbelievers blend in so well with the true believers that it's nearly impossible to distinguish between the two. That's why it's not my job to distinguish between the two but to realize that God will distinguish between the two and that I just need to be focused on Him and obeying His commands....I really feel like this struggle has come at a very difficult time for me as it is the end of the semester and all and it has really hindered my motivation towards anything. But I believe that my heart's condition is way more important than my academic standing. As Matthew 6: 30-34 (NASB) says,"But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! "Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?' "For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. "So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." This is not at all an excuse for laziness but just remembering that my focus should be on Christ no matter what's going on and He will provide in the way that He sees fit. Wow, as I've written this post I've gotten more encouraged. Praise our Savior! Thank you Lord!

In Him who delivers us from even the most painful of trials, Josh