Unsure of myself, but trusting God's direction...

Something that I've kind of been thinking about lately is the fact that trusting the Lord's direction and communing with Him is so much more important than having a plan for future events. I don't understand why I should ever be skittish and worried when all the direction I need is found in Christ. Unfortunately, I struggle with this constantly. Like most people, I always want to know what's going to happen next and what I should be doing now to prepare for it. In reality, knowing that I can place all of my trust in the hands of a soverign God who knows what He wants for me, future events should be the least of my concerns. I pray that that Lord develops in me a heart's desire to just give my best effort to honor Him in each day and rest assured that He knows what He's doing. This year has been such a testimony to that fact and I smile looking back on it. Though I look forward to heaven with so much anticipation, it's such a joy to enter each day not knowing exactly what lies ahead but having confidence in God's plan and purpose. I want to live each day with that mentality and ask for the Lord's grace and patience with me as I learn how to do so. Merry Christmas everyone! God's blessings to all!

For His glory, Josh Gilbert

2009: A little up, a little down, but a lot of God's provision...

2009 has probably been the most exciting year of my life. As you might recall, I began last January with the intention of returning to The Master's College in Santa Clarita, California to finish out my studies in Biology. However, the Lord had different plans for me and provided me with the opportunity to transfer to Baylor University in Waco, Texas. I did transfer and after catching up from being a week behind everyone else that semester, I had some time to adjust to the new school. By God's grace the transition went very smoothly. While I really missed my Master's friends, I met some good people at Baylor and joined the fencing club to stay active. Little did I know that my involvement with the fencing club would contribute to my summer job. In April, I posted some of my info online and was called and hired by Pine Forest Camp in Greeley, PA as a fencing counselor. I studied hard to close out the semester before returning home, doing some shadowing at local healthcare facilities, and finding a work study job for the fall. I soon flew out to work at the camp and had one of the best learning experiences of my life. I got to visit NYC and met some good people there. It was a long but relatively productive summer and I flew back home with about a week of break left. After spending some time with the extended family, in town from Michigan, my brother, Dad, and I flew to Dallas to get set up for the new semester and part ways. We dropped my brother off first and soon I was back in Waco getting prepped for a new semester. I arranged myself with a very busy schedule this past fall and had to cut back on extracurricular involvment to lock in on my schoolwork. Everything ended up working out pretty well and I'm so thankful for the Lord's provision in carrying me to the other side of it. I'm also thankful to have nearly a month off to regroup and reflect now. What's in store for 2010? Only God knows but I trust His plan and pray that He gives me the strength and wisdom to fight through whatever circumstances He allows to take place. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and yours!

Blessings in Christ, Josh

Thanksgiving blessings from the Lord...

Well, tommmorow is Thanksgiving and I figured that I'd try to write down all of the things I have to be thankful for this year. This might help me from complaining about the things that I don't have and see just how many ways the Lord has been working. First, je suis en bonne forme! Thankfully, I haven't had any serious physical ailments this year. God's given my body and mind the strength to work hard physically and academically. Sure I've been fatigued and overwhelmed at times but He's helped me keep going. Second, He's given me a family that seeks His direction in our lives. My parents have been very supportive in all the places I've gone and new environments I've tried in the past few years. Other times they've given me wise advice to keep away from things that might have otherwise harmed me. My brother and sister are an encouragment as well and we're able to keep each other in prayer throughout all of the different obstacles we face. Third, He's given me a place to live and food to eat. I've had a roof over my head everywhere I've slept this year, from a dusty cabin bunk bed to the floor and couch in my dorm room and my oversized bed at home that could probably hold three of my 5'6", 140 pd. frames. I've always had plenty to eat and drink and, more than that, healthy food and drink to keep my energy and stamina up. Fourth, I've been given independence and adventure. God has provided me with many opportunities to go different places and meet different people these last few years. I've had to mature a lot, but still have a long way to go, in learning how to deal with stress and dissapointment. I've been with my family and away from my family, and both instances have been an encouragement. The Lord has given me moments of downtime to spend with Him in order to regroup and refocus. I've gotten to travel, via work and school, to the East and West Coasts and the South before returning home to the Midwest. I even got to run a half-marathon earlier this year, something I had really been looking forward to! I'd encourage you, no matter what your circumstances might be this night before Thanksgiving, to thank the Lord for all of His provision. This is my fourth Thanksgiving away from my family but I now without a doubt that there are people in far, far worst circumstances. Those that have lost their jobs, those that have lost their friends and relatives, those that have terminal illnesses and little hope for living much longer. But wherever you're at in life, remember that the Lord allows everything to happen for His purposes. Trust in Him and never allow your heart to grow bitter, that's a dark and lonely road to travel. He cares for us, look to Him for guidance and direction. May you and yours have a blessed Thanksgiving!

In Christ, Josh Gilbert

Don't ever forsake trusting God in the midst of difficulty...

If there is one thing I've learned from this semester, it's the fact that I am a very weak and vulnerable being. I try to put on the facade of being tough and rough, able to survive and thrive in the hardest of circumstances. That's exactly why, when my grades started dropping at the beginning of this semester, I reevaluated my motives. My thoughts started to drift. I thought, "Well, right now I'm trying to obey the Lord and look where it's gotten me. I'm enjoying my time with other people, I'm enjoying fencing, and I'm enjoying life. But,,, I have poor grades." My errant solution, "God must not care about me. I've got to make my own way. If I want to do well it's up to me to make that happen." So, as the grades improved, my attitude toward the things of Christ soured. I began to wonder why I even believed what I believed, seeing that currently I was able to do a decent enough job of making my own way, much better than I had in the past. However, I've recently come to the conclusion that no matter what "gains" I make in life, they are nothing apart from Christ. I have no care about the job or salary I need to make if I am embittered and untrusting of the things of Christ. I might always sound self-centered in the notes that I write but I hope that's not the case. I'm just a man like every other, having a changed heart only by God's grace. I struggle, discourage, fatigue and exhaust just like every other human. Any strength that I try to muster on my own is useless. I can't be who God calls me to be unless every moment of my day is spent meditating on Him and His Word. As Luke 12:25-28 (NASB) says, "And which of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life's span? If then you cannot do even a very little thing, why do you worry about other matters?
Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; but I tell you, not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass in the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, how much more will He clothe you? You men of little faith!" Why can't I remember that? Why do I even dare to be strong on my own? These verses strike a vital cord in the pride and arrogance that have characterized my life lately. What has caused me to forget that every breath I take is a gift from the Lord? He brought me to Master's! He brought me to Baylor! If He wants me to stay at Baylor He will provide for me to stay here! Dear Lord, I repent of my foolish desire to try and manage things on my own. Please forgive me, I have inflicted this misery on myself. Help me to know that you are the only true source of joy and gratification in the life of the believer. My heart is heavy because I know that I have not trusted your provision during this semester. I forfeited Your provisional grace and strength and have tried to fight without You, the God who has saved and delivered me from eternity and hell. How can I be joyful and settled when I lose faith in You? You have been and will continue to be my strength and contentment. Please give me strength I need to stay afloat in these difficult classes. If it's not Your will for me to continue down this road, please help me to know what you want me to do. Lord, you know what is best for me and every believer. Whatever life throws at me now and in the future, please help me never to forsake You strength for my own. I am frail, weak, and in need of Your grace and strength. Keep me safe from the enemy and help me to open Your Word daily so that You may provide me with the wisdom and instruction that I need for each day. May You be glorified in all that I do! Amen.

Hopeful in knowing that He will provide in His time,

Josh

The mid-semester slump...

Welp, here I am again. As is typical for halfway through a semester, I'm a little bit distracted. This is about the time in the semester when I start to get a little restless and long for the world outside of academia. A world where the stresses are real-life scenarios and the numbers game no longer matters. Where success is measured more by how you deal with distress and adversity than by how well you're able to cram a bunch of random facts into your 3 pound memory machine :) Thankfully, I don't have much coursework up for this week so I can afford to step back and look at the broader perspective for a second. Anyway, earlier today I was looking at different PA schools that I'm looking at applying to. I finally mustered up the guts to calculate my science GPA (EEEEKKKK!!!). It wasn't as bad as I thought and it looks like I still have a shot to be somewhat competitive as long as I can hold par relatively well this semester. I'd like to apply to New Mexico and Arizona (location's a big factor there:), but I'm open to pretty much anywhere I can get accepted. I obviously don't have my life planned out. Just kind of taking it one day at a time, trying to trust the Lord with whatever doors He opens or closes. I've really enjoyed this semester so far, especially extracurriculars like fencing, small group, and football and volleyball games with friends. It's been a very challenging semester academically though. I kind of got swept of my feet by my chordate anatomy class. I expected it to be just a typical, basic anatomy class but there are shores and shores of information that must be commited to memory to succeed in the class. Unfortunately, I suffered through the first lab practical and lecture exam before this realization struck me. Physics is what I expected. The lab isn't too bad but the lecture requires a lot of formula memorization. I had a tough time with the last test and I'm dreading getting the grade back. *Loud sigh* I feel like life will be made so much simpler when I don't have to worry about putting up impressive letter grades just to have a shot at getting into grad school. These semesters are long and tough. The Lord has granted me the strength to scrap my way through 3 years of college and a summer of Organic Chemistry with little secondary preparation. I didn't take any AP classes, wanted to be an Athletic Trainer but went with Biology/Pre-Health aided by my parents and advisors direction, and did distance learning at home for my 3 years of "highschool" before jumping into a world of unknowns a month and a half after turning 17. I had to laugh a little as I was calculating my science GPA earlier. Each class had some sort of weight and struggle associated with it but the Lord has been faithful to me through each of them regardless of the letter grade. I bounced from private college in Southern California to taking Summer OChem at a state university back home and ended up leaving SoCal for Baylor in Central Texas in early January this year.... One thing I've learned in my short life and continue to learn is that the Lord has a plan and purpose through it all. I struggle to believe it sometimes but the more triumphs and struggles he brings me through, the more I see that this life is about glorifying Him. I can disgrace and mourn over all the reasons why I'm not cut out for a "succesful life" but what good would that do. He wants me to focus on Him, not my pathetic plans for the future. May we all seek His direction in the days and weeks to come!

Blessings,

Josh

Do I really belong?

Well, I find myself in a very familiar position. Struggling big time at the beginning of a semester. Clueless about what my future holds. Very dissapointed and trying to understand how and why I always seem to be in some sort of trouble. I don't mean anyone any harm. Maybe I don't have a tunnel vision perspective on life and lock myself in my dorm room to study every day after classes. But I don't drink, smoke, or flirt around with girls everyday either. I'm obviously not distracted. My biggest entertainment comes from playing sports and watching football on the weekends. My favorite part of the day is tutoring kids at a local highschool because it gives me the opportunity to help them with what I know which gives me the greatest, undescribable joy. Why am I so bad at school at the beginning of every semester then? Can't life ever give a guy a break? I have honest intentions. I'm really trying..... Though I always end up in the same position one thing is there to comfort me. The Lord has always brought me through these quirky, horrid circumstances. I don't need perfect grades to plan for the future. I need to have a heart that desires to please the Lord and lives a life reflecting that desire. As Micah 6:8 says, "He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?". I'm a mortal human being, made of dust with limited strength. The Lord will give me what I need, regardless of what circumstances suggest.

May we all find peace, strength, joy, help, and trust only in Him,

Josh

It's been quite some time...

Well, I haven't written a blog for a while so maybe now's a good time to do it. Right now, things are pretty chill. Just eating some air-popped popcorn. Much better than microwave in my opinion. This has been a very busy week though. Had a Physics II test yesterday that was pretty challenging. Soccer and volleyball have turned out to be very fun classes. French, Anatomy, and Writing have been pretty fun too. I'm still doing fencing and I rejoined Medical Service Organization. Right now I'm just trying to do well in my classes and determine what to do after I gradute in Spring '11, Lordwilling. Anyway, I'll try to start writing on here more.

In Christ, Josh