A lot of thinking and reflecting lately...

Since I've been home I've had a lot of time to think about everything...I've still been struggling with feeling down and stuff. A lot of the downess has come from questioning and doubting a lot of things which I really don't like. I've even begun to wonder if the NFL is set up because of how teams seem to win (maybe just because the Vikings lost in the playoffs tonight:)...But a much more serious area of questioning and sometimes doubting for me has been how to, by God's grace, live as a Christian. I get irritated with myself for being so bitter and upset with things in the church but become even more irritated when I don't know what the proper response is. I want to care for other Christians and respect them as the body of Christ but what if those other Christians seem to be living in disregard to the things of Christ? Why am I struggling so much to trust in Christ and not doubt Him after all that He has done to change my heart's motivations to desire to glorify Him? Why have I all of a sudden lost my motivation and sense of direction and feel like I'm at a dead end in life? Why do I feel so much closer to Christ when external circumstances seem to be at their worst? Why do I worry and stress out about so many things that I don't need to? Why am I struggling so much more with these thoughts and with sin in general than I have in the past? Why does it seem like so many professing Christians that I have known are either pretty careless about or walk away from Christianity as a whole?...... I know that our Lord holds the answers to all of these questions but I just struggle with my own thinking a lot of times. I guess I just need to be more prayerful and staying in God's Word and trust that He will allow me to persevere. I know that God allows times like these to happen in accordance with His purposes. I also know that God has chosen me as one of His children and nothing can pull me from His all-powerful hands. I know that He will give me direction and pray that He will use my life for whatever He sees as worthwhile. Life apart from Him is miserable and worthless so I pray that He will strengthen me and allow me to carry on. In Christ, Josh