Something happened today. Well, first a lot of good things happened today. I've been praying about finding a summer job still and a few camps replied to my applications. One had a very unique and cool opportunity where I may get to work as both a gymnastics assistant coach and fencing coach. I was so encouraged and excited during the early afternoon that I could hardly contain myself. When I returned to my room after Genetics lab and getting dinner, however, I was informed of something really bad. I did very poorly on a Genetics test that I studied very hard for and treated as if it were a final. I've been fuming about the result all evening but it's also got me thinking. Do I really trust God or do I only trust Him when He works things out the way I want Him to? I feel like I do the latter more often than not. It's not the bad test grades that gets me mad but the ramifications of them. Will I get into medical school or PA school? Will I get to keep my scholarship at Baylor? Will my parents be mad at me? Will others look down on me? Will I end up jobless because of my poor performance? All of these things ruminate in my thinking when something bad happens academically. But something I was thinking about earlier really helped me put things into perspective. Consider the chain of events before taking a test. First, you have to study of course. To study you have to be able to see and comprehend. Who gave me vision and a brain to comprehend course material with? The Lord. Next, you have to wake up in time for the exam. Who kept me from sleeping through the exam and woke me up on time to shower, eat breakfast and prepare for the day? The Lord. Finally, you have to actually take the test. Who gave me the ability to choose the right answer with my pencil or process the intricacies of a complex formula? The Lord. Why then do I worry about the grade I recieved? If I prepared and worked my hardest for God's glory I have nothing to worry about. Sure, people might be unkind but I can't change that and my goal shouldn't be to make them happy anyway. I should be doing what I do to glorify the Lord. Not to say that I'll never be disappointed but the extent of that disappointment can't really go that far. The Lord: brought me to Baylor in time to register for Genetics, provided me with a good friend to help me study Genetics, and, all things considered, has provided me with passing grades so far. What do I have to complain about? Have I really come to the point of thinking that I have to have control over my life? What can I give or do? I'm a feeble, weary human with nothing to offer apart from God's grace. Why then am I putting the reins on my shoulders when all the strength that I could want or need is found in my loving Saviour (Matthew 11:28-30). What's the point of college if the Lord's purposes can't be furthered because of my stubborness? I don't know what the future looks like, where I'll be what I'll be doing. All I want is a heart that desires to glorify God and loves Him more than anything or anyone else. Lord, please help me to see this. Please give me security and strength in the days to come. Life seems so unpredictable to me sometimes but I know that Your plan for everything is far beyond the scope of my microworld. Whatever lies on the road ahead guide and protect me. Help me not to grow bitter or weary but to trust in You and persevere. You know what I need and I trust that You will provide in the days to come. To You be the glory for all eternity. Amen.
In Him alone, Josh
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